What do you want me to do for you?

So, Advent is the jam. Right? Like I get goosebumps talking about how Jesus is the real deal.

He is literally it. He is a promise kept. He's hope. He's the light. He's all the things, and he came as this little bitty baby. This tiny little thing who literally couldn't do anything by himself for a time.

who learned to walk and talk and....get potty trained? I don't know, I'm assuming. Or maybe the Holy Spirit just took care of that developmental step. Who's knows, but I'm gonna ask when i get to heaven.

I like to think that Jesus' tailbone also fused when he was 12 and he couldn't even, either. I like to think about Jesus as a boy, I'm going to ask about that too. Was he scared? How did he feel when kids were mean to him? were kids mean? Were there things that were hard for him? Did he try and get frustrated? did he cut himself while woodworking? DID HE HEAL Immediately? I HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS.

I've been thinking about what it means, practically to be more like Jesus. Like for real. Because just loving people more, or better, or being more tolerant, those things are hard. We can talk about those things, but what does that look like.

And at church today, they hit the nail on the head. To be more like Jesus is to be more human. Like to feel things. To feel the injustice, to feel the brokenness, to be able to grieve and celebrate for real with the people around you.

To be human is to be vulnerable, to be a part of something bigger, to do things, to act, and speak and think in a way that reflects that God has kept his promises, that salvation is ours and that we already have victory over death.

So we have nothing to be afraid of. WE can love hard, we can go to dark places, we can be honest about life because it's hard and scary and always changing...but it's cool because Jesus has gone before us, ya know? We can embrace the hard, we can power through it because we know it's not forever.

That's something you can take right to the bank.

So being vulnerable enough to ask the Messiah for what we want should be easy, but it's not because fallen world. Because it's not easy to shake insecurity and fear.

But here's what i want:

1. I want believe that i'm not going to be alone forever. Like at some point some boy will love me enough to want to hang out with me every day of this life and well into the next. I don't hate being single, I'm real good at it, but i don't want to be alone forever. that seems sad. I've just gotten it in my head that this is sort of it for me....but what if it isn't?

2. I want my sparkle back. I want to be find the passion that radiates out of me again. I wan to feel like i'm surrounded by a community of people who are all working to make the world better.

3. I want forgivness to come easier and jealousy to go away. I want to stop being so scared of being replaced.

4. I would really like to get my self-confidence back. Sometimes (more often than not) i don't see or talk to myself like i'm made for a purpose and in the image of God. I want to be okay with my body and believe that i really do have skills and qualities that people love and need.

I realize that nothing on this list is surprising, but i fight these battles in my head like every day...well...not everyday but a lot and it kind of sucks a lot. It get in the way for things that could be awesome things. These things keep people are arms length. It causes me to be flippant and sassy as a defense.

It's not a great way to live. I didn't use to be like that, and i want to shake it off.

This advent has been a lot about rediscovering things buried deep under all the debris of life...like when a piece of something shiny catches the light when everything is covered in dust. Like things you've forgotten...and you dust off, and immediately remember the second you see them.

That feeling, that nostalgia. That's hope. Hope that things always work out and we always just figure it out.

And that people really are good at the core.

So, what do you want? It is time you start asking for it?