Lately, nostalgia has been hanging out on my couch, which I don't really mind, I guess. I kind of like when she comes to visit. Every memory, even the not so lovely ones, seem a little sun-kissed. Light and laugher and the memory of struggle and success flood my mind like old polariods collaged on a bulletin boards. Each date carefully written in black sharpie. Some corners are bent, and worn from use, others are have only recently been taken out and put on display.
As I hang out on memory lane with my old pals, one thing keeps coming to mind: a Bible verse. If you know me at all, you know that i don't think in Bible verses. never have. But for whatever reason, John 13:7 will not go away: Jesus replied, "You don't understand now what I am doing, but someday you will."
As much as I would like to pretend I don't understand this slash sometimes I would rather say "i don't know what's going on in my life" this all makes senes. All of it, which is both annoying and beautiful. Mostly, it's beautiful.
What's beginning to make sense is that chance run-ins outside a coffee shop, were not chance at all. A random coffee date, two years later is now common place, relationships that seemed to be happenstance are extremely purposeful. It was all laying the foundation for what's happening right now.
It's funny that something that happened 6 years ago is directly related to me sitting my bed in Jankytown is crazy. While some things may have run their course, their significance is maintained. The last two years have been preparing me for who I need to be for myself but also for other people. Roots need to be established before anything can grow and produce fruit that can sustain people. I think that in being who i need to be for the people in my life, I am learning to be more me. Does that even make sense? i will look back on this and understand what's happening in the here and now so much better, and i'll marvel at how intricately intertwined our lives and stories are, and how none of it is by mistake and none of it is for our glory.
We are all being shaped, and changed, challenged and supported and we are figuring it out together, which is scary and frustrating. sometimes we all need separate corners. room to breathe. time to think. some of it makes sense, and some of it doesn't. someday, though, it will.
And in another year or two when nostalgia comes for a visit. I'll pull out my memories, blow off the dust, and I'll probably be all weepy through my smiles because what I'll see is not myself. Not an exceptional group of people or circumstances, but, instead, I'll see Jesus.
