yours are the sweetest eyes i've ever seen.....

Sometimes I wish I could take myself out of me and go into....you. Whoever "you" is. Someone who sees me not the way i see myself....or maybe like i see myself, i suppose it depends on the "you."

Would i look like i think i look, or would a different pair of eyes have more grace and see more beauty. Would i, as you, see all my real and perceived imperfections, or would you just see me? What do my spirit and my heart look like to my mom, my best friend, an acquaintance? Do i laugh too loudly, am i too proud, can you see that i'm trying to fake having it all figured out. Maybe if i knew i'm not fooling anyone it would be easier to accept that my life is not my own, and it's all part of a crazy plan that was created before the stars were hung in the sky.

What do my eyes tell you? Because as weird as it sounds, seeing me as you would probably help me see myself more clearly.

Still, seeing me is only a quick snap shot, a freeze frame of my life. Me now is not me in a year or even in 10 minutes, but still i think it would help us love each other more if we could see ourselves the way other people see us. for better or worse.

Most of the time i feel like i'm looking in a fun house mirror, imperfections accentuated, insecurities amplified, truths twisted so much that i barely recognize the person staring back at me.

How did i left myself believe that I'm not perfect the way i am? i have to have more friends, make more money, be more beautiful, be more successful, have more authority.

Especially when the truth is we were made to be more than a title on a door or the number on a pay check. When we let that define us, we let it confine us.

We need to break out, it's our time to shine.

The way we need to see ourselves is the way God sees us. Perfect, precious, and necessary.

We are poetry in a world of slogans.     

I'm so profoundly passionate about this because i spent a lot of time with kids who literally have no idea how amazing they are. How capable they are. How the world were literally be different if not for their existence. It so vital that we tell these young people how incredibly beautiful they are, how much they are loved and needed and have a purpose in this world. My heart hurts for all the kids and 20 somethings and 40 somethings who don't know this.....or believe it.

Wow. a calling has never been more clear to me.

i'd rather speak honestly and wear a tattered heart on my sleeve....

Let me just start off with a general annoyance: Grocery bags. Grocery bags and just a giant pain in the butt. First, they are getting smaller, and i don't understand why. Also, i really don't understand why they even make bags without handles now, but they do. So you end up standing at the end of the lane while food is getting smashed together on the belt figuring out whether to use the bags without handles or use 1989 bags with handles just causes unneeded stress when packing bags. ugh. 

Now that bags are smaller, you need to use more of them, or jam more in a bag which makes it too heavy and causes it to rip and all our things fly everywhere....which then makes you curse to yourself and maybe even out loud which then causes random passersby to look at you. There has to be a more efficient way. 

Another annoyance, while we are on the subject. How to survive for the next 4 days on 11 dollars. I'm willing to bet it's not even possible. However, this lack of money allows me to continue on my current anti-social phase, which i find completely annoying. For some reason, i just have no desire to go out/meet new people. 

this poses a problem if i ever hope to find a husband. I'm 26, i should be out having fun and leaving the lazying around for when i'm married/pregnant/in my 40's. however, for now i'm completely fine with being a homebody. I hope as the weather gets nicer and there are things to do, i snap out of it. 

Also, it's cold out today, which i'm actually really ok with. I'm curled up in a blanket with some coffee and listening to "hometown glory" and "one and only" on repeat being really happy with the fact that i'm here....here meaning sitting on my couch, in st. paul,  and going even further to say this "point" in my life. 

I have a strange appreciation for simplicity lately, and today is perfect.  

Hello World, Hope you're listening....

So, I've decided with a bit of reluctance that I was going to give this blogging thing a second chance. I am a blog quitter on account of never having anything valuable to say.....errr...nothing that is really that interesting to the general public.

Basically, I'm giving something a try, which for now, has the title "30 day writing challenge"  I honestly believe that everyone has a story tell and something valuable to say. Even if today i feel like saying: Sometime I eat popcorn for dinner because it just doesn't make sense to cook for one person.

Whether you agree or not, there is a certain beauty in a statement like that, and a small window into the brain for the person saying it.

Now that school is done, i feel like my brain will turn to mush, which i would like to avoid. Also, i'm going through a bit of separation anxiety with my students. Because let's face it. I have transition issues. I did, however, get to see some of them tonight at a softball game, i literally had NO intention of going to.

I went to see my roommate sing the national anthem, which, ironically, i missed. However, watching those 12 and 13 year old girls get their butts kicked but try so hard anyway was really great to see. It's things like this that remind me how much i love my job, and, how much of my job isn't just teaching them where commas or or how to be an active reader.

Relationships matter. So many things happen/come about when you just talk about life. This is what i'm learning.

I'm also learning, little by little, that who i am is a giant combination of everyone in my life. I'm a little bit of my parents, a little bit of my best friend, a little bit of the family members and a whole lot of God workin' his magic through me.

That is beautiful, and scary. Now, i'm very tired and now even really sure what i'm saying. Also, my legs hurt because i just caught for a random softball game. To bed I go.....I'll leave you with this....