However, day four of making my bed and also I walked like a boss in heels today for the first time in a long while.
I didn't fall once. So, basically I'm killing it.
Today, I was at a wedding. Normally, I'm a hopelessly romantic and the entire idea of a wedding is beautiful to me. Today, not at all. Being at a wedding alone is the absolute worst. Literally everyone is currently in love and looking forward to actually saying "i do" or there are people who have been or are married remembering their wedding day and just being in love.
ugh. Today it was annoying. So there i was with all the kids just being like...what is even happening.
Anyway. I'm wasn't having it. Most of the time I'm just super fine with everything, i even 3rd wheel like a boss but at a wedding when everyone else has someone to slow dance with. UGH. WHAT IS MY LIFE.
I just want a boy to take me to brunch and kiss my forehead and then my lips when he sees me for the first time in a day. A GIRL CAN DREAM.
but honestly, how annoying is that complaining? So annoying. I'm done.
But also today, I walked into a Starbucks in St. Paul. A Starbucks that i've been in a billion times, and today, of all days, it reminded of a summer in Chicago. It was the strangest thing and the feeling was so strong. I don't know if a memory blindside you out of nowhere, but it literally happens to me all the time. I love it, I love when memories hit you so hard that you can feel exactly the way you did when it was happening and the memory just sticks with you for a minute.
I must have been 19? I remember being downtown with Laura and Brian. It was hot (becuase summer), humid and dark. Like the sun had gone down hours ago. So it's was probably like 11? We has been just walking and talk and strolling for hours. I remember feeling so happy to be with them. To not have a plan further than "we'll see where the night takes us." I pretty much fell in love with Chicago the first time I was ever there. It was big and busy, and so foreign from anything that sleepy Green Bay had to offer. But this trip, I remember falling in love with the Chicago that my friends knew, I fell in love with the places that Brian loved, because it was a part of Brian that I didn't get to see all the time. It was one of the first times i remember looking at all of and realizing that we were growing up. I know that probably sounds dumb, but it was a an "a-ha" moment of "hey, we're all making our ways in this world and we're all still friends." It's like that summer was starting to teach me that everything works out the way it's meant to.
ANYWAY
Right before we hit up a hooka bar (which i demanded because i had no idea what the hell it was) we hit a Starbs on a side street in a giant building that looked like it was just made of glass. I don't remember what I ordered because i'm pretty sure I wasn't super good at ordering coffee yet because sleepy Green Bay wasn't that fancy. I do remember though, that there was a out door patio situation. You know the kind that is basically just a sidewalk but they put some plants outside to make it look nicer and like it's supposed to be like that. Meanwhile they people who actually need to walk on the sidewalk have to walk in the street because of the aforementioned homemade patio situation.
I remember thinking how cool it was that coffee shops stayed open late, and that people drank coffee this late at night and we were LIVING. We were navigating a big city all by our little selves, we were laughing and killin it. It was then that i decided that my heart could be in multiple places. Part of it will always be in Green Bay but the other part belonged to bigger cities and adventure and my sweet, sweet friends who were figuring it out along side me.
And it was a beautiful feeling. I imagine it's kind of the way Carrie Bradshaw felt when she realized she loved New York.
I think i could love New York, too. I just need to get there.
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