Thursday, September 11, 2014

my when head is strong and my heart is weak....

My heart and my head speak two different languages. This frustrating for 100% of the people who love me. Long story short. I feel like i've been working really hard and turning out really good stuff, and yet i feel completely invisible. Thankfully, i'm not super obsessing about it because I have many, many things to work on and it's keeping me busy. 

Today i listened to the entire 21 album. I just need Adele to make more music. 21 is my JAM though, i love the whole damn thing. 

It just brought me back to my St. Paul Days, sitting in Aria, staring at the beautiful Barista boy...you know, the one with the eyes, who regularly made me a almond or maple chai without the bubbles. 

And there i sat with Julia and Katie and we laughed and did homework and i played "one and only" on repeat until people got mad. The door was always propped open, allowing the fall breeze and the sound of change to swril into the door way, and ring the bell. Almost as if to tell us change was coming. The walls were orange and bright but the sound of the Beatles and Bon Iver softened the colors. The floors creaked and the one bathroom had a janky lock, but it smelled like heaven.  It was our own little corner of the world once upon a time. 

It seems like a lifetime ago, and maybe it was, we were all different then, but the way that time made me feel floods my memory with all the best feelings.And today, when i felt a little less than stellar, i held on to that memory. Because, once upon a time, we did something special worthy of memory making. 

Our humble beginnings started in coffee shops over lattes and dreams and rehashes of days and planing for futures, and they were beautiful before the middle got hard and complicated and the endings were sad. 

Although, everyone lived happily ever after the best way they knew  how, we just couldn't co-exist in their happiness. 

And that is sort of a love story and a tragedy that not even Shakespeare could write with enough grace and poetry to recreate having been there. 




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