Friday, September 5, 2014

i lay to rest my troubled face....

I turn 30 in about in a month and half. 

A whole new decade. I wont lie, I'm super glad to be rid of my 20s. The last 3 years were ROUGH. and i'm still trying to climb my way of the shitstorm. 

and i'm not doing the best job. 

but...anyway, i love birthdays. a lot. i think they're the best and i think that everyone should have 6 every year because we really do not stop and celebrate each other enough. Nor do we spend enough time thinking about the impact we're making. 

I just think it's important for people to feel loved and celebrated. 

well, i'm not having a birthday party....because i don't wanna plan it and i'm not sure who would even show up. 

and that give me ALL KINDS OF ANXIETY

I have in my head that i've burned a lot of bridges though i did nothing to set fire to them, and i'm really sick of apologizing to people for not knowing how to deal with a broken heart, and car and no money. 

I don't know how to be in crisis other than to just shut everyone out. 

But....still here i still with a blinking cursor unable to pull together a list to even birthday dinner with. 

bah. humbug. i don't wanna have a birthday. 

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