Dear Future Students,
You don't know me yet and I don't know you, but I'm already thinking about you and praying for our year together.
I'm not going to lie, it's going to be... a whole thing. I'm nervous for a bunch of reasons but mostly, because I'VE NEVER TAUGHT SPANISH. ever. like not once.
One time I tutored a half a pair of twins into not failing Spanish and life. but those were stranger circumstances and i don't think i'd ever do it again.
All that to say, I hope this year is memorable....not in an "i survived" kind of tv show way...i promise you wont have to chew off your own arm to survive or eat something gross and raw...although if fiestas don't include guac, imma be pissed.
But seriously, i hope this year takes you to a place you never thought you'd get to and you do things you've never done. You see, we're kind of in this together, as much as i'm supposed to be expert on things...i promise i will learn as much from you as you will from me.
Also, i'm teaching some English, too, which i'm supper jazzed about, but also...nervous...why? Because I don't want to fail you. I want to build you up. I want you to know that you can do anything you want. I want to push you work hard and be proud of what you've accomplished. I don't want a school system of fail you.
Here's what I know: I'm not perfect. Not even close. But I love Jesus and I believe in education. I believe in YOU. I will try hard, I will help you. I will love you. I will pray for you. I will try hard to remind you all the time that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. I believe in the power of words and i want to help you find your voice.
Sometimes i'll be hard on you. Sometimes you'll be confused and wont get it. Sometimes, we'll be speaking different languages (literally and not so literally)...but we'll be okay.
This year will be a ride, it's a lot of firsts for all of us, but I know God is faithful and he'll carry us.
So. I hope you know much how much i care. I hope you understand how much i'm for you and what you to succeed. And if at the end of the year, you can feel that.
We've aced the year.
So, until we meet. know that i'm making space in my head and heart for you.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
I just met you, and this is crazy....
I believe in a lot of things. I believe that fall is full of magic. I believe in pinkie swearing. I believe in memories being coated with a rosey color. I believe in being an idealist. I believe, of course in Jesus and love having the power to over come...everything. I believe in laughing too hard, family and belonging to a place.
There are, however, very few things I believe in more than friendship. Your people. Your best pals. I whole heartedly believe that best friends are God's way of telling us "i see you, and to prove it, I'm going to give you this person...so the world doesn't seem so crazy"
As a part time extrovert, i like people, mostly. However, I will be content with spending my time with a select group. I can count the people i'd die for (minus family) on two hands.
still, taking a bullet for 10 people...seems profoundly large.
I thrive on people who know me well. , With whom i have a deep, complicated history. Who make me laugh, and who, at the end of the day, know my favorite things and are willing to watch endless hours of crappy tv with me. Who will crawl under piles of blankets and cups of coffee, tea or wine and settle in for some quality time. Those people who will grab your hand when your scared and squeeze it enough to let you know that it's okay, then immediately shove you into whatever it is you're terrified of.
Because as much as you need a push, you also need to know you have a soft place to land.
People who feel like coming home. People who you are reminded of by a song or a season or a smell. People whom you borrow clothing form and never return that one item because you wear it when you're missing home and need to feel brave.
People who have seen you cry, you've called frantically, and they've dropped everything to put gas in your take when you've stupidly run out, or brought over pizza and wine when life seem to be too much....and deciphered your tears enough to know that chocolate cake was the answer to whatever was breaking your heart.
The people who love you, broken and wounded, the people who love you enough to listen to the same thing over and over and over again. The knower of the backstory. The amazing present buyer.the ..we're in this together....people.
I think one of the bravest things anyone can do in the their life time is offer up their heart to people. Let them hold it in their hand, while you hold theirs. it's not easy to apologize, or to be lost or confused by life in front of other people. It's humbling and vulnerable and you just want to slink away...but these people....they reflect the best parts of you. Reminders that your strong, and that they're right with you when you need to borrow their strength.
Tonight i watched a video of me and my three best friends from college lip syncing to "call me maybe" it was at a time when i wasn't sure what would happen to us, when i felt them slipping away for awhile while i traveled down uncharted roads to find myself again....but looking at the video you'd never know it.
Sometimes i ache for that feeling of a best friend. For the person who looks at me and say....you're my number one. I've learned, though, as you get older , the place people hold in your lives is different. The people i consider my best pals right now, might not consider me one....and that's okay. Because it doesn't matter if you're wearing best friends bracelets.
it matters that if a text comes in, or a call comes through that says "i need you," you're there. even if you're not sure what to say...or how to act or what to do.
The act of just showing up not having the right anything....is brave and will literally change the life of something who needs you.
I guess my point is, i sometimes i get hung up on dumb things like labels because i need affirmation...but when i stop to look at the truth of my life, its this: I have had the great honor of loving and being loved by amazing people. Some for a season, some, no matter how much distance or time has past will show up....because that is what love looks like.
So, tell your people that you love them as often as you can, even when it feels like you tell them all the time. Tell me because that tribe of weridos that claim you, and would fight for you....they are special and God gave you each other to get through this one precious, wild life with....
There are, however, very few things I believe in more than friendship. Your people. Your best pals. I whole heartedly believe that best friends are God's way of telling us "i see you, and to prove it, I'm going to give you this person...so the world doesn't seem so crazy"
As a part time extrovert, i like people, mostly. However, I will be content with spending my time with a select group. I can count the people i'd die for (minus family) on two hands.
still, taking a bullet for 10 people...seems profoundly large.
I thrive on people who know me well. , With whom i have a deep, complicated history. Who make me laugh, and who, at the end of the day, know my favorite things and are willing to watch endless hours of crappy tv with me. Who will crawl under piles of blankets and cups of coffee, tea or wine and settle in for some quality time. Those people who will grab your hand when your scared and squeeze it enough to let you know that it's okay, then immediately shove you into whatever it is you're terrified of.
Because as much as you need a push, you also need to know you have a soft place to land.
People who feel like coming home. People who you are reminded of by a song or a season or a smell. People whom you borrow clothing form and never return that one item because you wear it when you're missing home and need to feel brave.
People who have seen you cry, you've called frantically, and they've dropped everything to put gas in your take when you've stupidly run out, or brought over pizza and wine when life seem to be too much....and deciphered your tears enough to know that chocolate cake was the answer to whatever was breaking your heart.
The people who love you, broken and wounded, the people who love you enough to listen to the same thing over and over and over again. The knower of the backstory. The amazing present buyer.the ..we're in this together....people.
I think one of the bravest things anyone can do in the their life time is offer up their heart to people. Let them hold it in their hand, while you hold theirs. it's not easy to apologize, or to be lost or confused by life in front of other people. It's humbling and vulnerable and you just want to slink away...but these people....they reflect the best parts of you. Reminders that your strong, and that they're right with you when you need to borrow their strength.
Tonight i watched a video of me and my three best friends from college lip syncing to "call me maybe" it was at a time when i wasn't sure what would happen to us, when i felt them slipping away for awhile while i traveled down uncharted roads to find myself again....but looking at the video you'd never know it.
Sometimes i ache for that feeling of a best friend. For the person who looks at me and say....you're my number one. I've learned, though, as you get older , the place people hold in your lives is different. The people i consider my best pals right now, might not consider me one....and that's okay. Because it doesn't matter if you're wearing best friends bracelets.
it matters that if a text comes in, or a call comes through that says "i need you," you're there. even if you're not sure what to say...or how to act or what to do.
The act of just showing up not having the right anything....is brave and will literally change the life of something who needs you.
I guess my point is, i sometimes i get hung up on dumb things like labels because i need affirmation...but when i stop to look at the truth of my life, its this: I have had the great honor of loving and being loved by amazing people. Some for a season, some, no matter how much distance or time has past will show up....because that is what love looks like.
So, tell your people that you love them as often as you can, even when it feels like you tell them all the time. Tell me because that tribe of weridos that claim you, and would fight for you....they are special and God gave you each other to get through this one precious, wild life with....
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Where there is no way, you make a way....
Here's the funny thing about the heart: it does what it wants. Completely.
there is no reasoning with it, or rationalizing.
It simply feels what it feels,it wants what it wants, loves what it loves, and bleeds for what it bleeds for, there is no stopping it or slowing it down. The heart does what it will....
And every heart, if you listen closely, will tell you what matters. A check list of what means the most. A map of things most sacred, a timeline of rose colored, bittersweet memories.
It has rooms for people to stay in for as long as they're able.
It's strong, the heart. It pumps full and hard, but it's also fragile when it's held in other peoples hands.
The willingness it has to beat outside your body, on your sleeve, to let people hold it, take a space in it,...that's amazing and brave and horribly risky.
Because every once and a while it breaks, sometimes it shatters, pieces everywhere like confetti or glass flying everywhere....sharp jagged pieces that....hurt and cut deep...they are everywhere it would seem.
and at the point of impact, you watch it, lying in pieces, no sign of life....and you're certain that there is no way it will ever beat or pump loud and hard again. How could it? How could these pieces ever find their way back?
But then, slowly and faintly, it starts. That familiar, constant sound. The thud that you remember. It begins again. and the pieces, they find their way back, and the scars are signs of strength and survival..that tell a story of who we are and where we've been.
tonight, i'm thankful for hearts, and the people who take up room in them.
Saturday, April 11, 2015
On Homecomings....
*i wrote this last year, when my friend got back from DC and when i felt like people were finding their way home*
This seems oddly appropriate as i feel like i'm putting on parts of my old self like a favorite sweater, coming back to the best parts of who i am. It's like the snow is melting, the fog is lifting and for the first time in a minute i can see the promise of the future, when you're rooted in the right things.
Put your blue jeans back on....
Nothing sweeter
than laughter
hugs and reuniting
after months
or days
or years.
coming (back) together
exactly how its supposed to be
homecomings are beautiful
and tragic
knowing that you belong somewhere
but have to leave to figure out where
your hat truly hangs
adventures are necessary
and encouraged to become
all that you're supposed to be
a better version
the most you you're able to be
Well wishes, and goodbyes escape mouths
unintentionally
knowing that there is a place for you
at my table and at the foot of my bed
and a coffee cup
waiting to hear of all that's happened
stiring spoons, taking sips,
unloading, uncovering
all the mystery
the world has for us
together.
Welcome home,indeed
it's about time you hopped back
into where you belong
We've been waiting.
and no one belongs here more than you.
I'm the number one fan of the man from Tennessee
here is a list of thing i'm currently lovin'
1. spring
2. daffodils
3, peach iced tea
4. iced coffee in mason jars
5. typography....not doing it, simply appreciating it.
6. daily devos
7. the smell of rain
8. my magnolia and pistachio body wash. it smells heavenly.
9. my country music playlist
10. making people playlists
11. the table. always. the table forever
12. antiques.....always and forever.
13. the color green. and yellow. *ahem....not in the packer sense*
14. the song "here coms the sun" and "please come to boston"
15. being crafty. currently i'm working on a making a flower garland.
16. typewriters
17. gold jewelry
18. tshirts
19 boyfriend jeans
20. being on book launch teams
21. watching weird documentaries
22. rewatching old tshows
23. memoirs....again....always and forever,
24. feel good songs
25.floral prints
26, raspberries and clementines
27, my people
28. the way wind swirls around when it's warm
29. spring sales
30. the promise of newness that spring brings.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
I thought if i could touch this place or feel it, this brokenness inside me might start healing....
If you've known me of any period of time, you'll know that i'm a nervous creature.
I use humor and sass to divert you from the fact that i'm scared, sometimes i get lonely, and most of the time, i feel like I've failed someone or something.
Sometimes i want so badly to find normal, that i'll coast and grab hold of whatever is in front of me and hold on for dear life because transitions are harder lately.
I don't' really land on my feet, i trip and fall and tumble down 10 flights of stairs. The last time i transitions i had a broken heart, and spirit and a no job or car or plan.
This time,though very different, feels very similar because fear has a way a penetrating deep in your bones. It's funny because i thought i would be different. People warned me and i saw it as a challenge, thinking that i could prove everyone wrong. Well, i didn't and now it feels a little bit sad.
But i need to find God in it. I need to see the good, the redemption and the blessings because they are many. I learned to love writing in a way that i hadn't ever before. I learned how to love people in a way i hadn't before. I learned what love looks like in a super pure form. I got to learn form people who are light years ahead of me. I got to laugh and love and cry with them. In short, i got to be a part of something really, really special.
and that doesn't end just because one season of my life is ending. Door shutting for good so i can heal my little heart, and grow it bigger and stronger.
Tonight, though, i decided that i need to do things different. I need to keep my mouth shut.l I need to stop thinking that everyone is the worst. and i need to just hold on just a little bit longer. I need to open my eyes to whats around me. Who is around me and what they need and what i can learn from them.
Sometimes, you get moments where you can see the ugly parts of yourself. The ones that you want to go away. You see it and immediately need to change, to apologize to make it right.
it's the kind of feeling that socks you right in the gut and knocks the wind out of you. It's the times where life shows you that this is not who you are. This is not how you're supposed to treat people.
it's the worst kind of reality check.
All i can say is that i will try to do better tomorrow. with new eyes.
I use humor and sass to divert you from the fact that i'm scared, sometimes i get lonely, and most of the time, i feel like I've failed someone or something.
Sometimes i want so badly to find normal, that i'll coast and grab hold of whatever is in front of me and hold on for dear life because transitions are harder lately.
I don't' really land on my feet, i trip and fall and tumble down 10 flights of stairs. The last time i transitions i had a broken heart, and spirit and a no job or car or plan.
This time,though very different, feels very similar because fear has a way a penetrating deep in your bones. It's funny because i thought i would be different. People warned me and i saw it as a challenge, thinking that i could prove everyone wrong. Well, i didn't and now it feels a little bit sad.
But i need to find God in it. I need to see the good, the redemption and the blessings because they are many. I learned to love writing in a way that i hadn't ever before. I learned how to love people in a way i hadn't before. I learned what love looks like in a super pure form. I got to learn form people who are light years ahead of me. I got to laugh and love and cry with them. In short, i got to be a part of something really, really special.
and that doesn't end just because one season of my life is ending. Door shutting for good so i can heal my little heart, and grow it bigger and stronger.
Tonight, though, i decided that i need to do things different. I need to keep my mouth shut.l I need to stop thinking that everyone is the worst. and i need to just hold on just a little bit longer. I need to open my eyes to whats around me. Who is around me and what they need and what i can learn from them.
Sometimes, you get moments where you can see the ugly parts of yourself. The ones that you want to go away. You see it and immediately need to change, to apologize to make it right.
it's the kind of feeling that socks you right in the gut and knocks the wind out of you. It's the times where life shows you that this is not who you are. This is not how you're supposed to treat people.
it's the worst kind of reality check.
All i can say is that i will try to do better tomorrow. with new eyes.
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