Do you remember?

there are not words for the amount of joy this photo brings me. I would like to groundhog this day forever. and ever. amen.

I had a big plan on writing about remembering. Especially since today i drove past the first house i lived in here

I looked exactly the same. But being there, outside of it, felt so different. Like it was a life time ago and now we were prefect strangers.

I was going to write about the time that i was sitting on my bed and lisa was standing in my doorway and we were both crying but i don't remember why, but i remember the feeling of that moment.

or how this year was hard and it looked and felt different than last year because picking up broken pieces and putting back together looks different but i'm not sure why.

Or how i emote unhappiness, though  not intentionally, to everyone and how when that happens, it actually has an effect on other people and it makes them feel bad. and then that makes me feel bad.

Or how, i've recently learned that you should never bake from a box. ever. never ever.

or that i put massive amounts of pressure on myself to be different. instead of asking the quesiton...what can i do better. how can i make it better....but i don't want to have those conversations because i don't like crying and i don't like being frustrated and i want someone to just tell me that they love me....

i just shoot in the dark...and hope for the best...and look for signs that Jesus is even remotely interested in my life.

Instead, tonight, i'll look at this picture and remember how it felt and smelled and how i will hold this day so close to my heart for such a long time.

And i'll go to bed with the intention of doing better and remember that i love the people in my life with moxie and my whole stupid heart.

and when i let me heart lead me, i'll always be okay.