I just want a cute boy to bring me a London Fog and then I will kiss him a lot because HOW CUTE.
Saturday, May 14, 2016
Saturday, May 7, 2016
I always catch my breath...
Some things in list form categorized by senses.
Sight:
1. Seeing my parents after months of not seeing them
2. snow glob type snow falls.
3. Hazy Summer Sunsets
4. The faces of the people i love
5. Payday.
Sound:
1. Laughter
2. The first chords of Tiny Dancer
3. The bell ringing at the end of the day.
4. Story telling.
5. Clinking glasses after a toast.
Touch:
1. My anchor blanket. literally the softest thing ever.
2. The way champaign dances on your tongue
3. A hug from someone you love
4. The way your heart beats fast when you think about a boy
5. Climbing into bed after a long day on clean sheet day.
Taste:
1. Raspberries
2. Iced Tea
3. Leftovers
4. Lime popsicles
5. Coffee.
Smell
1. My grandma's lotion
2. My grandam's house
3. Spring air after it rains and it smells like lilacs and fresh water
4. Coconuts...suntan lotion...
5. Chrismtas.
Sunday, May 1, 2016
i belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart....
Sometimes the only way i can write is if i make a list.
The list is almost always dumb. It's almost always kind of surface and safe but it unblocks my brain and the words started to flow. So here is a lis of thing i'm thinking about.
1. I think the idea of being a writer is beautiful and quite and intense. I'm not sure if you know much about me, you probably don't, but beautiful and quite and intense is kind of my happy place.
I think it summer I will spend time learning about good writing. Technique and process. I used to hate the editing process and now I love it. I miss editing things and collaborating.
2. I've also just being thinking a lot about getting married and having babies. I hope I meet a boy who kisses me on the forehead and tries to hold my hand in public even though I kind of hate it because my hand gets sweaty and i get self conscience. I hope he's handy and cares about the lawn and is good with his hands... And he's generous and funny and looks good in jeans. And loves Jesus. That's not asking too much, is it? Just a boy who makes me heart beat fast when i think about him.
3. When I have kids. I hope they love the swings and running through the sprinkler. And on Saturdays we'll have waffles or bagels. They'll love brunch and being barefoot and exploring new cities. They'll have crazy brown hair and wear mismatched clothes. They're favorite things will be the things that make them belly laugh and i'll take too many pictures. They'll be annoyed with that at an early age.
4. I've been really into the Lumineers for the past week. I don't even know why.
5. I've also been really into sunflower and hydrangeas.
6. I'm 100% invested in whether or not David Duchonvy and Gillian Anderson are a couple in real life. It is the dumbest thing i've ever been concerned about but honestly, they're in love and i'm 100% convinced and i think it's the sweetest thing ever.
7. Prom was this weekend for my high schoolers. They are so sweet. I love them so much and i don't think any of them got expelled. It was so fun to watch them get dressed up, and walk in heels. Lol. they are mostly bad at it. The boys looked so handsome and the girls looked so lovely. They were so excited. Prom is so strange but such a right of passage, it was fun to be there with them, and they were honestly so excited that i was there. UGH. They have my whole entire heart.
8. I have such a long list of books to read this summer and i am SO excited about it.
9. I just made play list that has songs on it about the morning, because why the hell not. Its my morning playlist.
10. I used to hate coconut. Now I'm 150% obsessed with it. Especially in my coffee and in my hair. I'm simple.
11. I really like being a brunette but I wish my hair was curly and my eyes were blue. or green. I'm not about this hazel life. I do like it, though, when my eyes look green.
12. I like my butt and my nose and my teeth, especially the two teeth that are just a little bit crooked. I'm currently waiting for my hair to dry so I can braid it.
13. Last weekend, i spilled nail polish on a really cute shirt i had had for less than 24 hours. RUINED it. Because i'm the WORST.
14. my "wild" playlist is basically my favorite thing ever.
15. I'm seriously considering taking a trip by myself this summer to somewhere I really want to go. I am tired of waiting around for people. I will make memories on solo adventures if i have to. Chicago might be my first adventure because well....i know people there and i know that city kinda and i know i won't die.
16. Also...summer job or not summer job? i haven't put like any thought into it but i really should. Extra money is never a bad thing.
17. I plan on being real tan this summer, and hopefully skinnier because i'm gross.
18. I have about billion grad parties to go to. Yikes.
19. This week friday Sold comes out for one week. This will likely be the first movie i see alone. I'm so excited.
20. i need to get my brakes fixed. Also, I need to always have champagne at the ready. Just because it's a good thing to have on hand.
10. I used to hate coconut. Now I'm 150% obsessed with it. Especially in my coffee and in my hair. I'm simple.
11. I really like being a brunette but I wish my hair was curly and my eyes were blue. or green. I'm not about this hazel life. I do like it, though, when my eyes look green.
12. I like my butt and my nose and my teeth, especially the two teeth that are just a little bit crooked. I'm currently waiting for my hair to dry so I can braid it.
13. Last weekend, i spilled nail polish on a really cute shirt i had had for less than 24 hours. RUINED it. Because i'm the WORST.
14. my "wild" playlist is basically my favorite thing ever.
15. I'm seriously considering taking a trip by myself this summer to somewhere I really want to go. I am tired of waiting around for people. I will make memories on solo adventures if i have to. Chicago might be my first adventure because well....i know people there and i know that city kinda and i know i won't die.
16. Also...summer job or not summer job? i haven't put like any thought into it but i really should. Extra money is never a bad thing.
17. I plan on being real tan this summer, and hopefully skinnier because i'm gross.
18. I have about billion grad parties to go to. Yikes.
19. This week friday Sold comes out for one week. This will likely be the first movie i see alone. I'm so excited.
20. i need to get my brakes fixed. Also, I need to always have champagne at the ready. Just because it's a good thing to have on hand.
Monday, April 18, 2016
Things i wish i would have known.
1. Being honest in important, telling the kind truth is the best way. You'll never regret being gentle and kind to people, but there is a good chance if you take the opportunity to jab someone, to make them feel hurt, justified or not, you'll eventually feel like an asshole.
2. Make good choices. Yeah, that means like good healthy choices like not drinking so much, no smoking or kissing random boys you don't know....but it also means that sometimes you need to stay in bed and watch netflix, or it means that you need to run around your favorite places to feel good about life or sit in a bookstore and feel not so alone. Sometimes the best choice is exactly what you need to do to take care of yourself.
3. Say yes to things that will push you out of comfort zone.
4. Say yes to the people you love.
5. Boundaries: They're not the worst.
6. Spend some time figuring out the parts of you you like a lot. It'll come in handy on the days where you hate everything about yourself, or so it would seem.
7. Nothing is really forever. Except maybe marriage.
8. There are some boys who are totally worth it. Some you'll realize too late. Others, are not quite what you except but are definitiely worth the investigation.
9. The songs that remind you of sweet things like people you love or your first kiss....hang on to those. it's important.
10. The things you think are important in your 20's will not matter nearly as much in your 30's.
11. Best friends don't really last and that's actually really okay.
12. It's really nice to have someone who has your back. They will yelled at people outside for you. Just be gentle with the person who's getting yelled at. They aren't so lucky.
13. I feel like i'm transitioning our of the my transition time. I can actually feel it. It think its important and I want to remember how it feels.
14. School is hard. Kids are crazy. But its the only thing you really know how to do, so don't give-up on it.
15. You parents are jacked, but they're also amazing. love them well.
1. Being honest in important, telling the kind truth is the best way. You'll never regret being gentle and kind to people, but there is a good chance if you take the opportunity to jab someone, to make them feel hurt, justified or not, you'll eventually feel like an asshole.
2. Make good choices. Yeah, that means like good healthy choices like not drinking so much, no smoking or kissing random boys you don't know....but it also means that sometimes you need to stay in bed and watch netflix, or it means that you need to run around your favorite places to feel good about life or sit in a bookstore and feel not so alone. Sometimes the best choice is exactly what you need to do to take care of yourself.
3. Say yes to things that will push you out of comfort zone.
4. Say yes to the people you love.
5. Boundaries: They're not the worst.
6. Spend some time figuring out the parts of you you like a lot. It'll come in handy on the days where you hate everything about yourself, or so it would seem.
7. Nothing is really forever. Except maybe marriage.
8. There are some boys who are totally worth it. Some you'll realize too late. Others, are not quite what you except but are definitiely worth the investigation.
9. The songs that remind you of sweet things like people you love or your first kiss....hang on to those. it's important.
10. The things you think are important in your 20's will not matter nearly as much in your 30's.
11. Best friends don't really last and that's actually really okay.
12. It's really nice to have someone who has your back. They will yelled at people outside for you. Just be gentle with the person who's getting yelled at. They aren't so lucky.
13. I feel like i'm transitioning our of the my transition time. I can actually feel it. It think its important and I want to remember how it feels.
14. School is hard. Kids are crazy. But its the only thing you really know how to do, so don't give-up on it.
15. You parents are jacked, but they're also amazing. love them well.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Every life begins with hope.
I just watched a documentary on Nora Ephron which was super lovely. If you ever saw You've Got Mail and loved it, or if you like a funny, dreamy, Dorothy Parker quality person, it's up your alley.
So now, of course, i'm obsessing over Rom Coms and New York like it's my job. The idea of being a writer is SO romantic to me.
Also, I literally wish my life was a romantic comedy. Currently, it's more comedy than it is romance, but someday my prince will come. I mean, maybe.
Also, I'm really into my tumblr right now, which is the stupidest thing I've ever written out, but alas, i think it's the cutest.
I have two lists stored in the "notes" section of my phone. Well, three , if you count the one that has exactly one thing on it: Salad Girl, Fig and Curry salad dressing, which as it turns out is one of my favorite salad dressings.
You're welcome.
Anyway one list I know for sure is book titles. I plan on reading like a BOSS this summer. The other one is a list of...well...what i can only assume are things that make me smile. It is the most random list in the universe. I can't even tell you when or why i made it. I'd except this to a like....drunk list? I know it sounds weird, but I've totally done it...normally it's a combo of things I need to get from target (almost always conditioner and face wash), Celebrities on my "list" you know the kind of list i'm talking about (almost always Chris Pratt and Jimmy Fallon) and bucket list items (Nashville, New York, write a book of essays).
BUT i have not been drunk in a very, very long time....so...i can only imagine. I'm going to share said list with you because i'm not ready to go to bed yet, and I have nothing of real substance to say...so...here we go. In no particular order:
1. Boys in white t-shirts and jeans
2. Cab Sav and the way it dances on your tongue and makes you sour smile.
3. The smell of a bonfire when it's cold
4. The smell of liquor on someone's breath
5. the smell of spring
6. Boys with muscular arms in fitted t-shirts.
7. Rita and Libby teaching me that good wine has "legs"
And that's it. 7 things. basically bookended by boys in t-shirts. I plan on adding to it when the mood strikes so, i'll keep you updated, too. I'm sure you're waiting with bated breath.
Nothing i do make any sense.
Well, kids. It's spring. There are 38 school days left until summer. I am hopeful we'll all make it out alive.
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
If you like midnight driving with the windows down....
I'm not saying that you're interested in what a London Fog with skim milk tastes like (but you kinda are) they're terrible, and I want my 4 dollars back.
Side note: 4 dollars is a lot of money to spend on tea, yet I continue to do it all the time.
Additional side note: I'm thinking of giving up carbs for a minute, just to see what happens. (ps. i ate banana bread this morning...soo....already nailing it.) I'm currently feeling pretty crappy about my body but feeling real good about the idea of the clothes i have actually looking not terrible on me. Also....i have a wedding to go to in 3 weeks.
And while we're just on the subject of things that are not being nailed....Lent. I super suck at this year. I'm literally a week behind. I have not fasted. I'm not nailing it.
But I am really trying to pause in the day and be grateful for it. Even on hard days there is laughter. Even on days when I feel like i'm not teaching life changing lessons....(which is basically every day) There are kids who come into my room to hug me, to exist, to freak out about something, or to just feel like the belong somewhere.
I think that's a win. For as much as i'm not reading a devo every day...which I know is important, I really do. And I do notice that I'm a better human when i do that, I have really been on board with this idea of "being in it together."
Over the past couple of days I've been really thinking about ordinary moments where I've felt so connected to other people, and it's actually made me love humans in a whole new way.
One time, when I was in a season of my life when i was a straight up train wreck. I was running myself completely ragged and i had just totaled my car and i was working at a school where kids swore at me and shot weird paper clip things at me.....and i cried a lot.
It sounds sad, because it was but it was really formative, so i'm okay with it....and also it's over so it's all kind of nbd now.
Anyway, My friend and pastor picked me up from school and he could tell that i was just a hot mess....so he drove me to this house that looked like it was made out of a tree....and that you'd expect Bilbo Baggins to walk right out of. Like...it actually belonged in the shire. And we laughed about this gem that is tucked back in the heart of highland park. We got gelato and for like 45 mins i didn't think about how crappy my life was. I just existed, i felt heard. It felt good to a laugh and discover something totally random in the most unexpected and ordinary of places.
And the profundity of the moment was lost on me until about 3 days ago when I was driving through Highland looking for the damn tea source. I just smiled like a fool. I like pulling memories out of my pocket and dusting them off until they glow with that golden hue that reminds you that everything doesn't suck.
Today I was so grateful of the moments during the day when I get to just interact with my kids. They are funny and sweet and they make me laugh harder than most people. They also make me madder than most people.....but i love them, and i love getting to love them and teach them.
Being on the other side of hard stuff is cool, but being thankful for the roads that got you there is probably even better.
i'm listening to a lot of One Direction. I'm only like YEARS late man. what the hell. Who even knows.
Side note: 4 dollars is a lot of money to spend on tea, yet I continue to do it all the time.
Additional side note: I'm thinking of giving up carbs for a minute, just to see what happens. (ps. i ate banana bread this morning...soo....already nailing it.) I'm currently feeling pretty crappy about my body but feeling real good about the idea of the clothes i have actually looking not terrible on me. Also....i have a wedding to go to in 3 weeks.
And while we're just on the subject of things that are not being nailed....Lent. I super suck at this year. I'm literally a week behind. I have not fasted. I'm not nailing it.
But I am really trying to pause in the day and be grateful for it. Even on hard days there is laughter. Even on days when I feel like i'm not teaching life changing lessons....(which is basically every day) There are kids who come into my room to hug me, to exist, to freak out about something, or to just feel like the belong somewhere.
I think that's a win. For as much as i'm not reading a devo every day...which I know is important, I really do. And I do notice that I'm a better human when i do that, I have really been on board with this idea of "being in it together."
Over the past couple of days I've been really thinking about ordinary moments where I've felt so connected to other people, and it's actually made me love humans in a whole new way.
One time, when I was in a season of my life when i was a straight up train wreck. I was running myself completely ragged and i had just totaled my car and i was working at a school where kids swore at me and shot weird paper clip things at me.....and i cried a lot.
It sounds sad, because it was but it was really formative, so i'm okay with it....and also it's over so it's all kind of nbd now.
Anyway, My friend and pastor picked me up from school and he could tell that i was just a hot mess....so he drove me to this house that looked like it was made out of a tree....and that you'd expect Bilbo Baggins to walk right out of. Like...it actually belonged in the shire. And we laughed about this gem that is tucked back in the heart of highland park. We got gelato and for like 45 mins i didn't think about how crappy my life was. I just existed, i felt heard. It felt good to a laugh and discover something totally random in the most unexpected and ordinary of places.
And the profundity of the moment was lost on me until about 3 days ago when I was driving through Highland looking for the damn tea source. I just smiled like a fool. I like pulling memories out of my pocket and dusting them off until they glow with that golden hue that reminds you that everything doesn't suck.
Today I was so grateful of the moments during the day when I get to just interact with my kids. They are funny and sweet and they make me laugh harder than most people. They also make me madder than most people.....but i love them, and i love getting to love them and teach them.
Being on the other side of hard stuff is cool, but being thankful for the roads that got you there is probably even better.
i'm listening to a lot of One Direction. I'm only like YEARS late man. what the hell. Who even knows.
Sunday, February 14, 2016
So Raise Your Glass if You're All Wrong in all the Right Ways....
Today is Valentines Day. I have a different opinion on Valentines Day every year. Mostly I'm indifferent. I think it can be sweet, i think it can be dumb. I like that we celebrate love but most of time we do it in a way that is mostly awkward and little bit offensive.
I've spent the better part of the day in my bed, and to be honest, I'm not entirely sure what i've been doing. I've read some blogs, i've half-heartedly tried to read a book i bought on a whim. I've been thinking about shaping my eyebrows for the last hour and half and i just haven't made it to the bathroom mirror to do it yet.
As you can see, my life is real hard today. Oh, i straightened my already mostly straight hair for no one or reason today because i'm as single as they come. I've also changed my lock screen background to something I personally think is adorable and i've basically transferred everything to my new (used) phone so all i have to do is activate it.
So basically i'm winning. Anyway, in honor of Valentine's Day, love and the shear joy I get from making lists, here is a list of things I love in no particular order.
1. London Fog's. Seriously. Although, i had one made with "Moon over Madagascar" tea the other day and it just about changed my life.
2. Raspberries.
3. Fall
4. Navy Blue
5. Anchors
6. Boys butts in good jeans. The kind that are worn in, a little faded with tiny rips form being handy.
7. Boys who play guitar.
8. Boys who love kids. Especially Elementary School teachers.
9. Making playlists.
10. Classic movies
11. Sea Salt spray
12. living the beach life in the summer
13. Books.
14. the theater
15. my family.
16. driving.
17. Collaging
18. Eau Claire.
19. St. Paul. <3 omg. This city.
20. planning road trips even if i never go on them. For example i really want to drive to New York to see A Streetcar Named Desire in june because 1. Tennessee William's is a boss.. 2. Gillian Anderson is Blanche (omg. i'm so about it right now because X Files Revival)
21. Ahem... X Files revival. David Duchvony might be old and a skeeze in real life but I would marry Mulder in a heart beat.
22. BOYS IN SUITS. omg. (see: Justin Timblerlake, Jimmy Fallon)
23. Funny people.
24. Sea Salt. dear Jesus i love sea salt.
25. curry. Though, i'm beginning to think it might have been a phase.
26. coconut everything.
27. Sunsets.
28. flip flops.
29. The water.
30. The East Cost.
31. The deep south
32. naming my fake children.
33. The gilmore girls
34. Remembering things
35. Amy Poehler and Tina Fey
36. Memoirs
37. nail polish
38. curling my hair when i'm bored.
39. Foreign Films (read: Just amelie)
40. AWARD SHOWS
41. Adele.
42. musicals
43. Country church
44. History.
45. old buildings
46. Antiques
47. Jesus.
48. Good Jeans.
49. clean sheets
50. new journals.
51. Candles.
52. Lent
53. my students
54. Green Bay.
55. Looking up tattoos.
56. Champaign
57. Red Wine.
58. My Minnesota Family.
59. photos.
60. hashtags.
61. Poetry
62. Babies.
63. Designing tattoos.
64. dreaming of getting a tattoo
65. planning my non-existant wedding.
66. sending mail.
67. Every version of "someone to watch over me" that has ever been sung...ever.
68. Here Comes the Sun and The only living boy in New York.
69. Hearing stories about the people i love before i knew them.
70. Big Snows. The big fluffy snow globe kind.
love a lot of things. I have a brain that almost never shuts off. I'm a day dreamer. I wish my life would play out like a romantic comedy. The more grandiose the better.
and for the record. I don't hate being single. I don't want to be single forever, but i also am not going to spend time freaking out abut how no boys love me....because for real, my anxiety is high enough with out adding "undatable" to the laundry list of things i freak out about the regular.
What do you love? who do you love? what makes you smiles so big that you feel like a fool but in the best way.
I've spent the better part of the day in my bed, and to be honest, I'm not entirely sure what i've been doing. I've read some blogs, i've half-heartedly tried to read a book i bought on a whim. I've been thinking about shaping my eyebrows for the last hour and half and i just haven't made it to the bathroom mirror to do it yet.
As you can see, my life is real hard today. Oh, i straightened my already mostly straight hair for no one or reason today because i'm as single as they come. I've also changed my lock screen background to something I personally think is adorable and i've basically transferred everything to my new (used) phone so all i have to do is activate it.
So basically i'm winning. Anyway, in honor of Valentine's Day, love and the shear joy I get from making lists, here is a list of things I love in no particular order.
1. London Fog's. Seriously. Although, i had one made with "Moon over Madagascar" tea the other day and it just about changed my life.
2. Raspberries.
3. Fall
4. Navy Blue
5. Anchors
6. Boys butts in good jeans. The kind that are worn in, a little faded with tiny rips form being handy.
7. Boys who play guitar.
8. Boys who love kids. Especially Elementary School teachers.
9. Making playlists.
10. Classic movies
11. Sea Salt spray
12. living the beach life in the summer
13. Books.
14. the theater
15. my family.
16. driving.
17. Collaging
18. Eau Claire.
19. St. Paul. <3 omg. This city.
20. planning road trips even if i never go on them. For example i really want to drive to New York to see A Streetcar Named Desire in june because 1. Tennessee William's is a boss.. 2. Gillian Anderson is Blanche (omg. i'm so about it right now because X Files Revival)
21. Ahem... X Files revival. David Duchvony might be old and a skeeze in real life but I would marry Mulder in a heart beat.
22. BOYS IN SUITS. omg. (see: Justin Timblerlake, Jimmy Fallon)
23. Funny people.
24. Sea Salt. dear Jesus i love sea salt.
25. curry. Though, i'm beginning to think it might have been a phase.
26. coconut everything.
27. Sunsets.
28. flip flops.
29. The water.
30. The East Cost.
31. The deep south
32. naming my fake children.
33. The gilmore girls
34. Remembering things
35. Amy Poehler and Tina Fey
36. Memoirs
37. nail polish
38. curling my hair when i'm bored.
39. Foreign Films (read: Just amelie)
40. AWARD SHOWS
41. Adele.
42. musicals
43. Country church
44. History.
45. old buildings
46. Antiques
47. Jesus.
48. Good Jeans.
49. clean sheets
50. new journals.
51. Candles.
52. Lent
53. my students
54. Green Bay.
55. Looking up tattoos.
56. Champaign
57. Red Wine.
58. My Minnesota Family.
59. photos.
60. hashtags.
61. Poetry
62. Babies.
63. Designing tattoos.
64. dreaming of getting a tattoo
65. planning my non-existant wedding.
66. sending mail.
67. Every version of "someone to watch over me" that has ever been sung...ever.
68. Here Comes the Sun and The only living boy in New York.
69. Hearing stories about the people i love before i knew them.
70. Big Snows. The big fluffy snow globe kind.
love a lot of things. I have a brain that almost never shuts off. I'm a day dreamer. I wish my life would play out like a romantic comedy. The more grandiose the better.
and for the record. I don't hate being single. I don't want to be single forever, but i also am not going to spend time freaking out abut how no boys love me....because for real, my anxiety is high enough with out adding "undatable" to the laundry list of things i freak out about the regular.
What do you love? who do you love? what makes you smiles so big that you feel like a fool but in the best way.
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