On being single and being in the church....

Lindsey Nobles just recently wrote a piece on being single in the Church.  I really like her, and respect her and think she has good and valuable things to say. You can find her blog, here.

I agree with a lot of what she says, but there are some things I don't think are the church's fault. I think the single stigma goes deeper. It goes the to heart of American culture.

Here are some facts: Jesus was single. The disciples were single. They spent their adult lives in community with each other, helping people, learning, and being together, which begs the question, why does everyone feel bad for the single person?

Why does it feel like everyone is married and you're not? Why does it make you feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with you because you're not seriously dating someone, or dating at all? Why does it feel like the only option is to find someone online?

I feel like the answer goes deeper than the church. It's because our culture, our society values marriage as part of a successful life.  The good job, the nice house, the whole point of having these things is to share it....presumably  a spouse.

But what if we're missing the point kinda? What if we are just supposed to share our stuff with the people we love? Married, single, somewhere in between.

Please hear me when I say that I think marriage is a beautiful thing, a gift from God. Something I hope to have in my lifetime. The idea of having a partner to hang out for always is lovely. I know marriage is hard, and it's an every day work, and it's more than just dinner parties and cute couple cards. It's bills and merging totally separate lives into one...it's a lot of work.

I'd be lying if i didn't fancy a Jesus loving boy who would kiss me on the forehead and grab my hand when i'm walking and be an amazing dad to the kids i want to have.

of course i want that. But I do want that desire to define me or consume me. Because I think we all need each other. I think single people help married people as much as the married help the singles. I think that we spent more time being in it together....it would matter less what the martial status is.

But this country? its built on this isolation, boot straps, everyone for himself thing. Which is kind of the exact opposite of what Jesus teaches us about community and loving each other.

You think it's weird when someone single finds herself living with a married couple...who have children. It doesn't sit right with you. She must not have money, or she must be crazy or SOMETHING...because why would ever do that?

But what if it was nothing weird. but if it was a group of people who were just trying to live life and love each other in a way that looks like Jesus? And to them, if means letting people into their spaces and lives in a way that isn't maybe...super normal...but in a way that grows and stretches and teaches about grace and love and Jesus in away you can't get from a small group or from a Sunday sermon.

I think that so much of the sermon's that are preached are preached in a cultural context. We kind of take the Bible and find ways to apply it to our lives without disrupting the status quo, too much.

I know I'm generalizing. But church is not the only place where if you're single you feel like a weirdo. If you don't do the church thing....if you're single and not dating and hooking up like a fool....living it up as it were....it's not really awesome either.

Because we are kind of built on the idea that we need someone. I think that's true, but i think we need a whole lot of someones. Because really, even being married with out a community of people around you is impossible.

Love is beautiful. One day i hope my dad can walk me down the isle where a boy who makes me laugh and makes me smile, big teethy, dumb smiles, awaits me on the other end.

But i know that isn't the happily ever after. The happily every after the the group of people who jump into the pool and wade the waters with you. The people who grab you by the hands and say....we don't know what we're doing...but lets try and figure it out together.

let's be each other cheerleaders. Let's be each other's chosen families....let's give this whole community thing a shot.

I really think it we thought more like this it would change a lot of things. And a ton of people, married, single and somewhere in between would feel a lot less alone.

I'm single, but i don't feel alone. I love the church and i don't feel isolated by them any more than i feel isolated by the rest of pop culture. I don't necessarily need the church the talk less about marriage, and i'm not necessarily put off by those sermons. I, in general, think that we need to talk about the things that break out hearts and that push us to love each other better and create positive change in our world....but those are the things that make my heart beat.

I am just trying to live this life, in this season, in a way that honors all the people who loves me, and Jesus. I don't want to feel bad about whether i have a ring on my finger. I can love people really well...and still be happy.

Here's to the marrieds, and the singles, and the in-betweens. We need each other, we're in this together, let's not waste any more time....being...separated. Let's all get tiny houses and cook dinner together and love each other kids. Let's tell the truth and cry, and laugh, and find a place for everyone at the table, in the pew and on the bus.

This is not at all an advent post...so here are some buzz words. Jesus loves his bride which happens to be the church...made up of a lot of different kinds of jacked up people (married and single)...and we are all just trying to do the best we can while we await his return.

#andscene.