I'll do it better in my next 30 years.

I am 30. I ended my night at a birthday party for someone else because that is exactly how life happens. Still, my day was lovely.

A new decade should mean some things, and while I haven't worked out all the details, i think it will look something like this:

1. I'm going to stop need the affirmation form the important people in my life. Just because they don't love me how i want them to does not mean that they don't love me. i have to believe that

2. Boundaries.

3. let it go.....

4. remember where i put my hearts desire.

5. Love them anyway.

6. learn how to be the type of person who is not so easily disappointed by other people.


If there is anything i've learned about my 20's is that life is jacked up. People go through a shit ton of hard things, it's scary and it's almost always uncharted territory but that doesn't mean you shouldn't jump into the trenches for people. It doesn't mean you shouldn't stand in the gap  and be there.

And i guess for as hard as it was, i wouldn't have done it any other way, really. im thankful for what i have and all i've learned.  And life has done it's job of marking me with stories and lessons that will weather the test of time.

And people really are beautiful, if you give them the chance to be.  People don't mean to break your heart, they really don't.

And my expectations of people are too high and i need to just let people be who they are instead of who i want them to be. It will save me tons of heart ache.

i just want to find a way back to myself that i love and everyone else does, too.

I want to be the type of person people get weepy about.

it doesn't matter what written in a card, or on your facebook wall or if anything is uttered. You know they love you because they love you at your most unpleasant.

i don't know how to do that quite yet. but i sure am working on it.

One day i wont feel anything with such intensity. I think it will be the best option for everyone.