Tolken. get's it right.

And then her heart changed, or at least she understood it; and the winter passed, and the sun shone upon her.

We got a lot to learn, but God knows we're worth it....

 

remember when these were the people i loved the most, and now i'm don't know how to know them like i did.

 

I miss them the most on Sunday nights. I miss "family dinner" and wine and good food we'd make together. and laughing. so much laughing.

 

i've decided though, that just because you miss something, doesn't mean that you can't be perfectly happy with the way things are now. I just really like that part of my life then.

 

And i'm learning, that while i've walked out on a lot of people, and they didn't chase after me, they're probably still worth the effort...so i'm going to figure out which ones are worth the effort.

 

Today was a good day. I feel like i'm where i'm supposed to be. i feel like some weight has been lifted off my shoulders and that i'm kind of starting to remember what its like to have my own life and do things just because i want to, or that are completely selfish because sometimes it gets exhausting thinking of everyone else first when i know that the majority of the people in life do not think about me first

 

nor should they, i'm kind of excited for the day, though, that i'm someone's somebody and i get factored into...something....

i have no choice, but i still choose you....

current list of things i'm into:

1. thinking about what it will be like to be pregnant/what i'll name my kids
2. this blue nail polish with silver sparkles
3. winter.
4. my knit scarf.
5. chrismtas lights.
6. hot chocolate. always. with whipped cream.
7. my job.
8. having a boy on my brain....and how that's awkward and cute and strange.
9. the holiday season
10. christmas music.
11. christmas lights
12. this season.
13. how much i really do enjoy my family. but also they're crazy.
14. getting to hug that college girl of my mine in less than a week.
15. remember where i was this time last year.
16. thinking about growth.
17. catching my breath
18. candles.
19. play lists
20. free samples from sephora.
21. perfect christmas presents
22. Advent.

end list.

Today was just a good day.

Thankful for days filled with laughter, and talking and normal life things we often don't pay attention to.

Today, I'm paying closer attention.

Is love alive?

three posts today. all nonsense of course. It's how I roll.

You should just all know that sometime i leave my door cracked open so that i can see the glow of the christmas lights from downstairs.

I love that hashtaggin is something that everyone is trying to do now. I think it's real sweet and we can all just giggle about it. Mostly, people make me crazy but you just can't help but be madly in love with them at the same time because they all try so hard and they mean well...and that's all you can really ask from anyone, right? for them to try to understand. I think the effort is lovely.

Love is so alive in the laughter, and the effort that people put in to trying to know you. It's in the struggle that ends with hugs and hand holding and even in tke awkwardness.....nobody really knows what they're doing, and those that claim to, are just full of shit. So let's just all be lost and confused together and let our hearts be our compasses and let's just be thankful for the people who are with us on this leg of journey....

I'm making a playlist called "Winter-songs to watch the snow fall" and i feel really great about it.

My college girl comes home soon, i'm gonna hug her a lot.

I feel really great about this holiday season, even though my effort to make my cube christmasy is officially "obnoxious" i'm ok with it, because it's just a cute little cube.


anyway....ive got a bit of a cold and i'm a bit of a baby about it.

eh...whaddayagonnado?

I wish i had a river so long......

maybe we were all just crazy to think this could all work out without speed bumps. Still, i hate the speed bumps.

However, this poem by billy collins, it's my favorite. so...let it's goodness sink in...

Nightclub

You are so beautiful and I am a fool
to be in love with you
is a theme that keeps coming up
in songs and poems.
There seems to be no room for variation.
I have never heard anyone sing
I am so beautiful
and you are a fool to be in love with me,
even though this notion has surely
crossed the minds of women and men alike.
You are so beautiful, too bad you are a fool
is another one you don't hear.
Or, you are a fool to consider me beautiful.
That one you will never hear, guaranteed.

For no particular reason this afternoon
I am listening to Johnny Hartman
whose dark voice can curl around
the concepts on love, beauty, and foolishness
like no one else's can.
It feels like smoke curling up from a cigarette
someone left burning on a baby grand piano
around three o'clock in the morning;
smoke that billows up into the bright lights
while out there in the darkness
some of the beautiful fools have gathered
around little tables to listen,
some with their eyes closed,
others leaning forward into the music
as if it were holding them up,
or twirling the loose ice in a glass,
slipping by degrees into a rhythmic dream.

Yes, there is all this foolish beauty,
borne beyond midnight,
that has no desire to go home,
especially now when everyone in the room
is watching the large man with the tenor sax
that hangs from his neck like a golden fish.
He moves forward to the edge of the stage
and hands the instrument down to me
and nods that I should play.
So I put the mouthpiece to my lips
and blow into it with all my living breath.
We are all so foolish,
my long bebop solo begins by saying,
so damn foolish
we have become beautiful without even knowing it.

our hands clasped so tight.....

i really just like this.