like shoebox of photographs with sepia toned loving

Lately, as the day light fades quicker, and the wind blows a little bit harder than it normally does, I tend to reach harder for things that remind me of people and places that feel like home.

I couldn't even tell you why, but for whatever reason, I absolutely associate Fall with coming home and belonging to people and places. Missing pieces find their way home and the sun and fallen leaves show them how to get there.

I mean, yes, I have the most idealist, dreamy, romantic view of fall. Don't ruin it for me. I'm currently drinking Good Earth tea that smells like cinnamon and reminds me of Rita.

I also fall in love with books again this time of year. Words are so real, and drip from your tongue like honey. All the classics are alive, and i read Franny and Zooey for the 19 time and love it just as much as the first day I turned it's pages.

Today, I'm all about poetry. I think in lyrics, and hear in rhyme. and when Billy Collin's writes "Pardon my Egg Salad Stains, i think I'm love" in a poem about reading the Catcher in the Rye, i understand so much that there is a place for me in this season.

I stumbled across my copy of The House on Mango Street. It is well loved, well worn, ragged even, from being in my purse and read so often that there are pages that are on the brink of coming out. I challenge you to find anything better and more personal than an old book that you've read a million times with notes in margins about whatever was going through your mind then. it a reminder of who you were and reading it as who you are allows you to fall in love with change, and death and rebirth.

Anyway one of my favorite parts of Mango Street is the following:

" you can never have too much sky. You can fall asleep and wake up drunk on sky and sky can keep you safe when you're sad. Here, there is too much sadness and not enough of sky.  Butterflies are too few and so are flowers and most things that are beautiful.  Still, we take what we can get and make the best of it"

I love that. I can't even. I want that on a wall somewhere. It's just my favorite.

This last year has been quite interesting, as you well know, but I am feeling like myself again, like I'm coming home. Thanks in part to the power of words, and the staying power of beautiful phrases that can grab your heart, sock you in the gut, or  jerk some tears. 

So with all that gushy, whatever that was, said, I have some work to do. I have some dreams to build, so plans to make, and some phone calls to make. Starting with my mom and dad. I miss them and i love them and my heart is still there.

and since I'm on a music kick....you all know that Dave Barnes is my favorite but Nothin' Fancy is a gem. I heart, heart, heart it. Currently, it reminds me of my A-team, who is celebrating 10 years of lovin' each other for better or worse, which is so beautiful and i could just go on and on....but i wont...because this is all so disjointed already, and i write about them too much.

Just listen, i promise it will be worth it. Unless you totally hate my taste in music, in which case, i could give an eff.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPR-aLUdmRc

Wonder. Go on and wonder....

I love Ben Rector. If you love some Singer/Songwriter, piano playin' boys. You'll like him.

this song is pretty.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqw6DlIvVnE

my favorite line "i wanna follow Jesus but sometimes he's hard to find"

my favorite ben song is called "Hank" it's just sweet.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-i2lhj_rnM


Fall is beautiful, and sad and invigorating.

Tomorrow, i shall be a real girl and actually make a plan for the future...so i can pay for things, and have a life.

i'm gonna get rejected a lot, so i gotta just prepare.

It's gonna be fine. or it wont. but either way i think i'll be ok.

a lesson in missing people....

in french, you don't really say "i miss you"

instead you say,

"tu me manques" which means "you are missing from me"

that's beautiful. and true.

I don't know how those boys know, but they do. Just got a "snap out of it, you're fine' text. Havent talked to them in forever about anything. . #lovedoes #myboys

i love group texts. I love how much they know me. i love them more than most things. They are missing from me.

in a funk....

i'm horrible when i'm in a funk.

like actually a pretty big b, to people that i love a lot.

today i was in a funk, and i was terrible

so now on top of being in a funk i feel awful for making people i love a lot feel not awesome.

i will try much harder tomorrow.

i was good until i went to get my car. then i lost my shit.

i'm real thankful for grace, in advance.

fuck.

don't like it?

don't care.

Sometimes you just gotta cry about it, you know.

once upon these days....

this. house.

these. people.

the.way.it.smells. here.

fills.my.heart.

like.it's.overflowing.

and spilling love everywhere.

My body is a pen writing a chapter in a larger story.

A short story in a collection of others

Though, parts are hard to get through, others are sweet and funny

and full of the best things.

good fruit

i'm very proud of who we're becoming.

though my words will seem few,

 my words will be bold

full to the tippy top with love and passion

the characters real, mosaics of then and now,

 all racing towards something

a light, a finish line, the sun,

Sometimes we run together

and me and you all become an us

and the us becomes a family

in the most extraorindarily ordinary way

and we exist without effot until we don't

when the sun gets closer

we'll be able to look back, saying,

Once upon these days we did something

radical.

we let each other co-write our stories.



....and they lived happily ever after.



Thank you, Jesus for the provision i didn't even know I needed.