I have big ideas. Big, romantic, rose colored ideas. I think some things should last forever. That we should fight for important things. Priorities should include people and time for the things that light you up inside. Distance and arguments should never be deal breakers.
But sometimes they are. Sometimes things don't last forever. Sometimes you drop the rope you're holding.
And I'm learning to be okay with that. Life is about growing and changing into cool humans and sometimes we can't grow and change at the same time and in the same direction.
And that's okay. At least, i keep telling myself it is.
The big gay wedding happened in Florida yesterday. I, obviously, was not in attendance. I'm okay with, it, really. But watching the video there was a part of me that thought that maybe I was wrong.
Maybe 17 years of friendship should mean more than whatever the last 3 years has thrown us. Maybe history should trump pride. Maybe I should have been there. Maybe I shouldn't have dropped the rope.
We were both holding it pretty loosely, and it hurt my heart too much to keep holding it, so i dropped it.
Like i deleted all their numbers from my phone, dropped it.
It sounds dramatic, and it is, but it's also necessary.
I like who I'm becoming. I like where I am and who I spend my time with, but there are days, like today where I miss them. But we're not those people any more and that makes it a little easier to miss them.
I met Brent when I was 15. He was not a cool kid. I wasn't either but I had more street cred. I just thought he was funny and I wanted to be friends with him. Our friend groups were different, they eventually molded into a common one, and he'll tell you I followed him to college.
And if it wasn't for that, i wouldn't be here. So, I'm getting more okay with the idea that sometimes forever isn't in the cards, and I'm learning to how to be happy for people when you're not included in their new normal.
It's all okay. It's actually better than okay, this life is a good one.
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