I have always bought into the Hollywood idea that things last forever. That, at some point, there will be a happily ever after. And, I know that every romantic comedy has also taught me there is a lot of hijinks and heartbreak in the mean time.
Hollywood has also told me that I'm an excellent supporting character, one that everyone finds endearing and the secret, unexpected treat of the show. The chubby, awkward, plain looking, single best friend who offers excellent life advice and comic relief all while bring the main character ice cream after the most recent break up with Mr. Wrong.
I've bought in to the sex and the city arch types, and the idea of friends who just stick with each other through everything. Not only had i bought into it, i thought i had found it. I reveled in the usness of the memories that have come in heaps for the better part of 10 years.
I was an "us" a part of we who was tethered by youth and love and having spent every day with each other for 4 years. As i sit here, i'm starting to forget what it felt like to be there, to be an us, and i swore i would never let that happen.
Turns out there are a couple of plot twists in this romantic comedy, which currently more comedy than it is romantic. Unless you count my deep love of Jimmy Fallon and my complete and total love for the happily ever after.
I feel like a minor climax to my story is that I'm starting to look at myself less as a supporting character. I've decided that maybe i'm a better person when i'm not cleaning up everyone's messes. After all the the matt across my back is not at all a cape.
So, i've recently let go of the idea that things are forever, and i'm holding on more to the idea of formative seasons, some longer than others, and ever changing as dusks turns to dawns.
This story has come around to be more about me than everyone else. Letting go of the things that are no longer meaningful is super hard. It's the bad break up scene with the bottle of tequila, the picture burning and the ice cream eating. It's a turning point.
Sometimes, turning points look like baby steps. My current quests look more like finding the jeans that make my butt look rockin', tackling the ever expanding list of books i want to read, it's taking time to enjoy exactly where i am and the opportunities that await me. It's the trip to Boston in the Fall, its being an amazing teacher who loves her job and her kids, it's making a plan to finally get her ass to Nashville, and New York, Its not worrying about if i'm going to be 100 when i get married but giving myself that permission to believe that there is a funny, dark haired boy out there who also looking for an adventure partner....and it's okay if doesn't happen the way i always thought it would.
This life is still lovely. This life is still full. There are people who love me, who know me, and who will be there, even if they haven't known me since the womb. It's okay that I'm not wearing a best friend necklace. I like that my life is more comedy than romance because too much lovey dovey makes me gaggy.
So, i'm just here, hanging out, enjoying life until the next plot twist. Feeling a little bit lighter since I've starting letting go of the preconceived notions of what life was, what friendship was and what falling in love looked like. I'm starting to let go of the idea of forever, and am beginning to focus on what's right in front of me.
Here we go, the end credits are not coming for sometimes.
Stay turned. I'm sure there will be more hijinks and heartbreak to come.
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