Rhythms of life are weird. They frequently don't make sense until after they've come and gone. They're not predicable, each comes and goes and another seamlessly begins, only for you to notice about a 1/4 of the way in.
Because something feels different. Normally, I catch these new rhythms when something feels off. I'm often put off by the sudden realization that my flow has been tampered with. I spend time obsessively analyzing (often incorrectly) everything that's going on. My anxious heart goes into panic mode and it's a whole damn thing.
While there may not be anything predicable about the rhythms of life, my reaction to them is pretty mathematical. You can set your watch by me and let the crazy roll in, until recently.
The pace of this summer has been a really great one. The days go by at a speed that allows to me to soak in the joy of being pretty carefree, but on the whole summer is going by rather quickly. It's nearly July. Before i know it i'll be putting together bulletin boards, and printing syllabi for the children. Also, i'm starting to miss the children. I'm getting excited to see them, which is a good thing. I do not feel overwhelmed with what the school year will bring. I feel strangely chill about the whole thing. I love my co-workers, i love my kids and love my principal. I know that i'm always learning and always getting better, so I feel okay about where i am.
That being said, this summer hasnt necessarily been full of rip roaring excitement, but enjoy of delightful run-ins with people I absolutely adore and for the most part, I feel like the feeling is mutual.
In this pace i've set for myself, I seemed to have kicked up some pieces of myself that were poking out but not really exposed all the way. Thankfully for everyone around me, it's the stuff about me that people like. Showing up for people, being intentional, letting people know they're being seen, celebrating life big and small moments. It's felt really good to have these pieces of me back.
I've also spent some time in Wisco, which has been so good for my soul. This whole concept of evolving while maintaining the roots of who you are is something i've been really trying to focus on. Home is always good for me. I often need to walk around in the place the built me to remember what's important.
My family is important. Spending time there is important. They are the ones who taught me to love people, to laugh, to enjoy life but also to work hard. I need to remember that I am the product of so many people hard work, so many people's good work. I need to honor that and pay it forward.
So home was good. home is always...a little frustrating, but always life giving.
So here I am about to start July with a peaceful, thankful spirit. Thankful for tan lines, sweet summer memories of riding carousels, and looking at bonsai trees, of terrible golf scores, and baseball games and bug bites, and tours of childhood stomping grounds, thankful for all the lemonade that's been made and drank, for birthdays and babies and seeing each other.
this season is a beautiful one and I'm so thankful that for once, i'm noticing while it's happening. At night I've been taking time to breathe in the day and spend some time letting the hazy light of summer sunset color the memories that i'll pull out on a later date, when perhaps my rhythm isn't so sepia toned.
This rhythm is definitely allowing me appreciate my roots, the rings in of these years that have been lived, and there's been nothing better than watching the bloom of the buds grown in hard, frustrating, doubtful times. I know I haven't gotten here on my own.
I am a late night prayers and hopes, scars and bruises, I'm hard lessons, and loud laughs, I'm celebration and heartbreak. I've been carried here by love and grace and I wont soon forget that.
I go to bed with messy hair and the smell of a life that well lived with the promise that tomorrow will bring new ways to love this life.
Thankful doesn't even begin to cover it.
And Hey, now maybe we can marry me off?
