life gets so crazy, livin' life gets hard to do....

I march the the beat of my own drum. I just do, and you can tell me a bajillion and one times what I'm in store for and lay out exactly what will happen. And I'll still do it my way, and that is frustrating for 100% of the people who love me, my parents especially.

I learn every lesson the hard way. I just do.

And sure, my heart's been broken a few more times than necessary. but I'm kind of thankful for it in a weird way because  i learn by doing. I'm very  a kinesthetic learner...and sometimes i even pull out my teacher language which is annoying for everyone....

Coming out the other side always leaves me with new eyes. New, less distorted, eyes. I think all you can ask for is to have eyes and perspective that gets less and less distorted with every experience.

What I'm learning, though, is that I, personally, don't do a very good job of "letting things go." there is always some residual hurt that creeps up on me at random times.

So, i know that I gotta get better at the forgiveness game. It's not in me to be mad for long, and really, I do just want people to be well and do good.

Everyone does have the right to a beautiful, successful life, so I need to start doing a better job of really wishing people well and not just faking it.

Because in the fake it til i make it game. I never make it.

So, how am i going to be authentically happy for people and wish people well who have hurt me? I'm not entirely sure, but we're about to find out together. So that's kind of fun.

I think it starts by seeing the good parts of people, and knowing that they have the best intentions, and knowing that there is just a lot of heaviness in the world that will try to break us, and we are all trying to do the best we can under the weight of all that's going on. Everyone's struggles are different, so i can't go around being a judgey pants..which is hard for me sometimes....ok...all the time.

I also need to keep in mind that there's probably more going on than i'm aware of, and that God will have a way to restore all that is jacked up...

So,  i'm going to try harder and give more people the benefit of the doubt and hope for the best.