It takes a village to raise up a lost, lippy, rambunctious, smart 20-something...(that's me) and I'd like to tell you about some of the villagers....
I love my mama more than most things in life. She's an incredible woman from whom I've learned so much. As I get older, I realize more and more how great my mom is and how much she loves me. As i get older, i understand her so much more, and well...i don't know if i could love her more than I do...but i just appreciate the amount of sacrifice she's done for me to be who am i am and where i am today. And i understand her worry and stress and why when my world seems to be falling down, she gets all weepy and wants to kick everyone's ass.
That's an awesome kind of love. She's beautiful, my mom, but I don't think she knows it, and she's literally one of the strongest women i've ever known, but I dont' think she knows that either. She's been through a lot and then...there's the small task of raising, dealing with, and worrying about me.
now, i may look like a gem...but trust me, i've had YEARS of polishing, and i'm still rough around the edges. i'm trying, more now than ever before, to not make my mom completely crazy. Though, i'm not sure how well that's going.
My mom learned everything she knew from my Grandma who is literally my favorite person ever. She is the most kind hearted, Jesus loving, intelligent woman I know. she is the most family centered gracious person on the planet. She's tiny, and German and makes my heart flood with love. She was married to the same man for almost 60 years. She took care of him when he was an alcoholic and when he was suffering from dementia. Watching her care for my grandpa when he was sick showed me more about love, marriage and Jesus than most things in my life. Watching her grieve the loss of the man who knew all her secrets and said "til death do us part" absolutely broke my heart, and to this day is one of the most significant moments in my life. She prays every day. She loves her daughters and taught them all the value of education and hard work. She sews things for me when they need mending. She holds my hand in church and gives me the best hugs in the world. She always smells so good and at 85 is smart and quick as a whip. She (and my grandpa) often played double duty and loved me extra when my dad's side of the family decided i wasn't worth their time. She has never missed a birthday or valentines days or Easter of...whatever. She sends me cards just because and sometimes she'll slip a 20 in my pocket because she knows I'm broke and doesn't want to make a big deal out of it.
I admire her faith and her commitment to Jesus. she reads her Bible every day but she also loves shows like Criminal Minds, and the Golden Girls. She is seriously my favorite human. Typing this makes me weepy because the idea of her being gone will wreck me but when the time comes Heaven is just going to be that much sweeter. I hope she is proud of the woman i am becoming.
The women from whom i get my life's blood are beyond special and instrumental in my world, but they have to love me because i share chromosomes with them. It takes a special kind of person to love someone who doesn't share your DNA. Someone who you tell your stories to, even the not so great parts, because they just jump up into your heart.
I told about Lisa already. You already know that talking about her makes me weepy because I think she's that amazing. But for real. She's my main girl. She's like a sister/friend/sage advice giver. She says that i could maybe be her but 10 years younger. Whoa, I can't even tell you how flattering that is. She's crazy smart, and a beauty and so strong and she's brave.
She gets in the trenches with people all the time. She does the hard work and doesn't even think twice about it. She takes a deep breath, and jumps in. Somehow knowing exactly what to say (or what not to) when to take action and when to wait. (i can't do any of that) Her heart bleeds for other people and that is beautiful. She tells me the truth about her insecurities and fears and the how her brain automatically goes to worse case scenario. Sometimes I wish she could see herself the way I see her because I think wouldn't be as hard on herself. She's been a roller coaster of ride with her husband (who is also one of my favorite people) and i admire her and them for their marriage and the people they are and were. I can't even tell you how much I've learned from them.
She's about to go to Uganda on a mission trip with IJM to help widows. Umm. yeah. that's awesome. But Africa is scary. 10 days is a long time to be away from your family to help people you don't know and will probably never meet. She's crossing time zones, language and cultural barriers to love people the way Jesus does. That's brave if you ask me.
i'm not even kidding when i tell you who she is and how she lives her life is what i hope to be like...when i grow up...:) She just gets me in the best way.
Then there's Rita. Lovely Rita. She has quite the story. When she tells her story she says "i had a t-shirt that said 'sex, drugs, and rock and roll' when i was young and that was my motto" she says it every time. She also references that she's a redhead and couldn't be tamed ( a la mylie cyrus). I love how predictable she is. I love how she loves yoga and red wine and cheese. That more often than not she'll tell you about journaling and fasting and holding things with an open hand. I raz her a lot about that but i love her so much.
When I moved to the cities, she was one of the first people who saw something in me that i didn't. She took me under her wing (for better or worse) and made me loved and accepted into a group of people who didn't know me from Adam...or Eve....she saw my potential to be a leader (maybe) and to work with kids and to organized and started getting me involved. (most of the time against my better judgement). She loved me and kept trying to get to know me even when I tried really hard to make her go away.
She made me join a small group (hers) and introduced me to Jen Hatmaker and Lauren Winners and daily devos, and (good) red wine, and Ben kyle, and the cheeky monkey. She lets me process and take naps on her couch and claim one of their guest bedrooms as "my room." she can tell when my hearts starting to hurt and has taken me out of lunch/coffee/chai more than i can count. She lets me cry when i need to and swear when i need to. And sit in her backyard when i needed sanctuary.
Rita was my place of rest (and still is) before there was a Lisa. Lisa loves me and processes with me but doesn't shy away from asking hard questions to get to the root of whatever freak out I'm currently having. They keep me fed, and sane. So thankful for them.
Last, from out in left field, I'll tell you about RuthAnn Reynen. My AP Lang teacher. She was "the teacher" for me. I was super blessed to have super great teachers in my life, but RAR is my favorite. She is sassy and small and she taught me to love words and education. Before she was a teacher she joined the Peace Corps and has these amazing stories of meeting her husband and journaling in a Kenyan Sunset on the roof of her building. She's got great stories about New York (where she grew up) and the first time she read a JD Salinger book. She pushed me the hardest and threatened to give me a C (and ruin my 4.0 FOR SHAME) . She taught me to fall in love with how language works, and the way poetry can roll off you tongue. She taught me to love Shakespeare, and Billy Collins and Arthur Miller and Dorothy Parker (my faves) and Harper Lee. She taught me how important hard work is, why studying is important and that ideas can change the world.
she is the reason i wanted to become a teacher. i still see her when i go home to green bay. She calls me Nicole now, instead of Ms. Case, which i think is so strange. I talk to her about all things life related. She is super interested and supportive of my love of youth ministry. She listens to me dream big dreams for the young people in this country. And asks me what i'm going to do to make them real. She spends half the year in crazy places like India or South America learning new languages, riding her motorcycle and taking in as much culture, art and history as possible. She encourages me to see the world and learn and do as much as I can because experience is our greatest teacher. Like for real. she says shit like that. She's like Mr. Keating or something. (Dead Poets, people, watch it)
These are some of the women who make my life so much better. I could not pick better examples of women, mothers, wives, daughters, sisters....than these women. My heart overflows.
This is long. and rambly, and you can probably understand why i shouldn't write late at night.
And this is mushy AF but it's all true and that's just who i am late at night. so...deal...or don't. Codependent no more, you know?
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