Ive been really into Rent again. I feel really good about it. I get into musical phases and then all i want to do is go to New York and watch show or 100.
i have a self esteem binder. Yep, it's weird. It is home to magazine clippings, letters, cards and pictures given to me by the people i love most in this life.
It is what and who makes my heart beat stuffed into a binder. Its pictures from 8 year olds, magazine clippings i love, old calendars, cards from people i love, and it begins with a letter. A letter from someone who doesn't even play a supporting role in my life anymore.
The old best friend. The old college roommate. The once sister from another mister. The thing is, though, I can't get rid of it. It's just sweet and exactly who we were when she gave it to me. And although, i can't remember what it was like, really, to be her best friend, i remember what it felt like to graduate from college and be so sad that such an amazing time of my life was ending yet so excited for all that was to come. I'm in a constant state hopeful and nostalgic. Though i never want to go back to any time of my life...i just like to remember with a sort of sleepy romantic ideal of what was.
So, we are 3 days from a new year. In 2014, i will turn 30 and it kind of scares me a little. As much as I so over my 20s, i don't know who well i'm rocking this "adult" life style. I still feel very much like a 22 year old most days.
And i'm becoming someone i never would have predicted. i like it, but my map doesn't really work right so mostly, I'm just guessing a lot. and i don't to do the best job of bullshitting my way through life anymore.
So, here i sit, looking at tangible reminders that there are people who love me a lot, that even though i've never really been anywhere, and nothing completely tragic has ever happened to me personally, i've been through the hills and the valleys, and i've seen lifetimes of struggle and heartbreak. I've celebrated babies, and marriages, friends, and family.
It's all part of the tapestry that is my life. Tapestry is probably a pretty cliche term to use...but...it's a work of art, my life. Yours, too. It's full handcrafted memories, jagged edges, sharp lines, and colors mixed specifically for me or for you...and apparently i ride the metaphor train hard today.
hmm. well....i'm real pensive today with a hint of annoyance with teenagers who have an entitlement issues. and general end of the yearness.....
I need some Jesus. Thankful for Sunday night services and a really great worship leader.
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