"What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? - it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.” ....jack keroauc


I'm beginning to hate chapters, and seasons and goodbyes, but I'm gonna smile and spin it like it's a new adventure and I'm excited when really my heart is in about 75 pieces. Jagged and sharp, because in this goodbye i've seen how i haven't loved people well, how i've isolated myself  and i've hurt people i love and how i'm equally responsible for my own hurt. I let all this happen. I was an active participant in my own story.

i'm the author, i could have changed to course of events at any point.

today, i feel small, and i feel like a quiter.

So as much as the sound goodbye makes my insides squirm, the real heart stopping situation is seeing yourself the way you really are. That mirror is hard to hold sometimes.

i don't know if would have fought me for me, either.

Thankfully though, i choose what happens next. My character is dynamic and my ending will be happy.