most of the time, i think it's kind of tragic that my heart is in so many places. Most of the time, i feel like i'm not loving anyone one thing enough, but today is different.
Today, after work, I am home, and as much as things have been cockeyed and crazy as of late, i felt overwhelmed with love and thankfulness for this space, and these people who have quite literally rearranged their lives for me, let me into their club and wrote my name on a list of important people. Today, i made hand turkeys, and watched Turbo and was super thankful for hang times with my favorite small human. I was thankful for crafts and watching big projects be completed slowly but surely, and I was thankful that i chose to get up at 12:30 this morning to maybe catch a ghost because i laughed a lot about it and it will not be something i talk about....a funny dumb memory, and i was thankful again for the kitchen table. The one that's well loved and well worn and is the place where so much is talked about and figured out and laughed about and cried about. so thankful for the person sitting across from me whose existence i celebrate on the regular.
I feel so incredibly thankful that this is part of my story, that i'm one of them. There are, however, a few pangs of sadness knowing that i am leaving them for a couple of days. Sometimes that not so awesome things are just easier when Lisa is in huggin' distance.
But i'm thankful that i get to go home. I'm thankful that tomorrow night i will walk into the house i grew up in and my parents will hug me for the first time since april. I will eat really great food and i'll play marathon games of cribbage with my dad. I'll make my family start the holiday season off my watching through the Botanical Garden of lights. I will drink hot chocolate, and drive around in my dad's car listening to country music because that's how i roll in Geebs. I will hug my grandma. and my aunts and we'll catch up, and we'll snuggle in Grandma's living room and we'll watch a show and they'll all ask about Minnesota and i'll tell them about all the people and things that grab my heart there. I'll drive around noticing all the new things. We'll go shopping and they'll let me cook for them, and we'll play board games and card games until our backs hurt from sitting. and we'll laugh at things that are only funny to us. and I'll be the funny one and they'll love me for it. We'll go to church together, we'll order Pizza and go through old christmas ornaments, and i'll remember how much i love my grandma's house and i'll miss my grandpa, and i'll fall in love with my family all over again.
And i'll remember, again, who i am at my core. and i'll feel like myself again because sometimes i need reminders of who i am and where i came from.
There will be christmas lights and trees, and we'll make chex mix and i'll eat all the peanut butter balls and everything will smell like cinnamon.
I'm so thankful for holidays and traditions and for all the roads that bring me home. And for home not to be a location but a group of people who love you and know who you are, and help you find your way back when you've veered off.
So thankful for the anchors and the compasses in my life that look like me and my kindred.
I'll cry when i leave Green Bay on Sunday, but this year? i'll be thankful that my heart is in two places.
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