So. I have a Julia. She's 18 and in her freshman year of college, where she is learning about the world and herself, and she's 5 hours away. So I have to watch it all happen from the sidelines. But there is a place in my heart reserved only for her.
She has a twin, and an older sister, and i love them, too, so much. But Julia and I we have this super cool, super weird, super strong connection. I helped her pass Spanish, mend several broken hearts and i gave her a safe place to land when shit got real. She is the little sister I never had.
And I'm so thankful for that spitfire of an 18 year old. you don't even know. I get protective and jealous when other people try to speak into her life....which is dumb but....it's who i am...so get over it.
As you'd expect with teenagers, sometimes she feels really far away from. She pulls away when she's making not so great choices, and come running when she doesn't know what to do, and what she's learning, and I am, too, i guess, is how we love each other through it all. We've had our share of disagreements. We've fought like siblings, and i have to play the "adult" card sometimes, which is hard but necessary. She hates it but she also knows I do it because I care about her.
Some of our most sacred moments, where the really good things happen, have been in the car after picking her up form school and bringing her home. I've learned what it means to stand in the gap for someone and she's learned that there are people she can trust.
And it all started in the Fall, at Nina's over coffee and next to a boy who looked like John Mayer, when i had no idea what was going on in her family, and neither of us had any idea how important the other would become.
I keep tabs on her, (you would, too, don't even act like you wouldn't, I'm sure you all have siblings, since I'm the only one in the universe who is actually an only child.) and sometimes i worry that our super cool secret bond was a season....but I don't think it is, i think in the chapter our relationship just looks a little different, and that's cool because we need room to grow and change. When you're able to grow and change differently together, well, that's the sign of a forever thing.
Tonight, after leaving the youth group I am currently serving in. I was thinking about those girls, and how that was once Julia. Just some girls lookin' for some love and support from someone who isn't their parent, who need help figuring life out, and how blessed i feel to stand in that space. Yet, i'm a little sad because i know they aren't Julia. And i miss that little starfish.
She's incredible. She's so talented, has such an amazing heart and I'm certain that mark she'll leave on this place will be big, and oh, so lovely.
As i was feeling nostalgic, and missin' that Ju, she sent me this:
You know what almost mad me cry today?
I was picturing our beginnings. In my like...sorrows. of my mom and everything. and just being in your apartment in st paul. and how now im here. and you are giving your light to these new beautiful girls...and i know 100% i am not replaced but still, times are changing. It's not a bad sad. just a nostalgic kind of love sad.
and picturing how you've been there for so many things with me.
like my mom.
and watching gilmore girls after caleb destroyed my heart
and the season final
finale*
my graduation
and picking me up from college
and it all just made me cry
In case you're wondering, i cried. I miss her and I love her. In about a week and a half, I get to go pick her up from school and bring her home for a week. 5 hours in the car with her and i get her all to myself. We'll drink coffee, and talk and sing Taylor Swift, and Katy Perry. The she'll get sleepy and put in her ear buds and sleep because silence is ok with us and the car is our place. Added bonus: She's coming home during birthday week and that's probably the best birthday present ever.
So, I'm feeling mighty sure that young people are my calling. So glad that I don't always know how everything's going to unfold, because this journey I've been on with the Ju and her family has been gut wrenching, and hard, but God is all over it. He is in the good places and in the sad ones, and trucking along side us as we speed off into the future. Had i known all that would unfold, i might have chickened out. Instead, I've gotten my heart broken and found Jesus in the scattered pieces.
And he's putting us all back together. I literally don't know if there is anything more amazing than that.
Maybe your "Julia" looks different, but is there someone in your life that's on your mind or tuggin' at you heart? You should probably pay attention to that because it could take you on a beautiful, life changing ride.
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