Well, it's been a year, basically, since i moved to the Grove. Since I moved in with, then almost strangers.
What a year it's been. I don't know what i excepted, so, i can't really tell you if things have turned out the way i expected, but in general, this whole thing is an interesting turn in my life so...there's that
I will tell you though, almost nothing turns out like i plan, so....there have been some curve balls.
But...over all...i'd say it's been good. Really good, actually, at least from my heart's perspective.
i wonder what they think, though. Am I what they expected? If we could rewind, would we do it again? What have we learned from this year of sharing space, and stories and life and food? It would be an interesting conversation.
I always worried about things that are unsaid especially expectations and mostly i just worry that i'll find a way to ruin everything, i'll self-destruct it so i wont have to wait for things to go south.
You'll excuse me if i'm worried about important people in my life all of sudden not being in my life.
So much of my wishes that the last year wasn't full of my acting like a 15 year old good with mood swings every 3 seconds and being sad a lot, and crying. and whatever. but the reality is if that wouldn't have been my state. If i would have my shit together, i don't think things would have ended up like this, and i know we wouldn't be as close, who knows what our relationship would have looked like.
Again, good thing my plans never work. I would have missed out on something life changing.
What is God teaching me? Well, he's breaking me. he's exposing all the junk that i like to hide, and he's making me humble, he's making me more compassionate, /he's teaching me to love sacrificially. teaching me to process inside my head, to filter. To only speak when what i'm going to say is going to be encouraging, helpful or will honor Jesus.
I still suck at that last part but i'm trying. That's all you can ask from anyone, to try, and honestly try.
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