and it was...well...cool, until it wasn't.
Now, i'm not a cool kid. My cool kid friends have all but disappeared, but not really. the kind of disappeared where they're still around it just seems like they forgot about you. they are like cool kid shadows now. Kind of ever present reminders of what was...once. upon a time.
The truth is, really, i was that kid in the circle of the popular ones that was only in the club because they do stuff for the real popular kids.
i was basically the cool kid water boy.
what the fuck is that?
This is mostly because in almost every friendship. I am a crisis friend? Is your life upside down? Cool, i can help even if mine is also falling apart. No big deal, though, i'm totally fine. i got my stuff and yours, don't even worry.
And this is actually the story of my life. People call me when they need me and then they don't and that is our little tennis match of life.
You serve, i volley immediately, because my first thought is, well, that's what friends do. That's why we don't sprint through life alone.
Well, everyone is dumb. And i'm still mad at all the cool kids, and surprised, though i shouldn't be, that i've faded into the background so seamlessly like i was never even there.
I guess that's what happens when you're only had a visitors pass into the club.
It's like a gym. a really shitty, really stuck up gym.who makes people feel bad about what they bring to the table and if you're not worth it, they wont help you. Except that they were/are the church.
And sometimes, i wonder what Jesus thinks of all of this because his name is attached to all of it.
I wish i could say "recovered" from being a cool kid, but mostly i just left with no warning or anything. one day i was just gone and at first, people noticed but it lasted about 2 weeks. Then people got a little annoyed because i wasn't there to do their bitch work. And then, people just got a little bitchy,
aint nobody got time for that. in all of it, no one really ever stopped to ask me why or how i was since my exit.
And that kind pisses me off especially because they all still call when they need something. of course they do...when that all you've ever known, it makes sense, right?
people.are.dumb.
The silver lining in all of it. That i'm not as crazy any more. I feel a little bit more even keel even though my day to day is "best day ever, but everyone is the worst" kind of mentality.
All my non-church, former cool kid friends and i have tried to get back together but the thing is, once you realize you're the water boy and that's not what you want to be any more. it's kind of easy to tell people to fuck off. even though, there is a tiny part of me that wants back in so i can always have plans and be the keeper of all the deats.
All that to say, Friday i realized that while i'm in a way better spot than i have been, i'm still real mad at the people who are dumb and I'm not sure how long it will take for me to not think they are the dumbest humans ever. Maybe when they stop expecting me to be their first responder.
I realize that this entire post sounds....angry, but it's really not. I'm in a good place. I didn't LOVE figuring out that i'm the water boy, but i never like hearing the truth when it's like that...yikes.
and eventually as much as i don't want to hear things, i accept it, and i start fixing it.
Although, i feel like this time, i'm kind of starting all over. New church, new friends, new priorities.
Turns out, people don't really miss me when i'm gone.
and i think that's ok.
And this is actually the story of my life. People call me when they need me and then they don't and that is our little tennis match of life.
You serve, i volley immediately, because my first thought is, well, that's what friends do. That's why we don't sprint through life alone.
Well, everyone is dumb. And i'm still mad at all the cool kids, and surprised, though i shouldn't be, that i've faded into the background so seamlessly like i was never even there.
I guess that's what happens when you're only had a visitors pass into the club.
It's like a gym. a really shitty, really stuck up gym.who makes people feel bad about what they bring to the table and if you're not worth it, they wont help you. Except that they were/are the church.
And sometimes, i wonder what Jesus thinks of all of this because his name is attached to all of it.
I wish i could say "recovered" from being a cool kid, but mostly i just left with no warning or anything. one day i was just gone and at first, people noticed but it lasted about 2 weeks. Then people got a little annoyed because i wasn't there to do their bitch work. And then, people just got a little bitchy,
aint nobody got time for that. in all of it, no one really ever stopped to ask me why or how i was since my exit.
And that kind pisses me off especially because they all still call when they need something. of course they do...when that all you've ever known, it makes sense, right?
people.are.dumb.
The silver lining in all of it. That i'm not as crazy any more. I feel a little bit more even keel even though my day to day is "best day ever, but everyone is the worst" kind of mentality.
All my non-church, former cool kid friends and i have tried to get back together but the thing is, once you realize you're the water boy and that's not what you want to be any more. it's kind of easy to tell people to fuck off. even though, there is a tiny part of me that wants back in so i can always have plans and be the keeper of all the deats.
All that to say, Friday i realized that while i'm in a way better spot than i have been, i'm still real mad at the people who are dumb and I'm not sure how long it will take for me to not think they are the dumbest humans ever. Maybe when they stop expecting me to be their first responder.
I realize that this entire post sounds....angry, but it's really not. I'm in a good place. I didn't LOVE figuring out that i'm the water boy, but i never like hearing the truth when it's like that...yikes.
and eventually as much as i don't want to hear things, i accept it, and i start fixing it.
Although, i feel like this time, i'm kind of starting all over. New church, new friends, new priorities.
Turns out, people don't really miss me when i'm gone.
and i think that's ok.
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