It's late-ish, I haven't been sleeping well, so, naturally i'm still up. The light in my room is still on and i am typing away all the thoughts that are in my head, instead of having visions of sugar plums dancing in them.
If you don't get that, I'm sorry, I cannot help you.
I'm reading a lot lately, which is exactly what I should be doing. i mean, among other things (like sleeping, drinking enough water, eating dinner....ahem...i'll conquer that, tomo, maybe). I read "let's all be brave" In about five minutes and loved every word. Annie Downs is absolutely my soul sister. She gets me and my heart. This book is not an amazingly deep or anything but it is as charming, and funny and heart grabbing as you'd want something to be. It's beautiful and it makes me want to be brave.
So, obviously i've been thinking a lot about who is brave in my life. Currently, i don't feel brave. I feel comfortable. I want things to just be real chill, I don't want to fall or fail or, worse yet succeed totally. like slam dunk it because then i will be wracked with guilt for not doing it sooner.
i find myself smack dab in the middle of a lot of things. My most favorite friend is 10 years old than i am. i spend my time with people either 10+ years older or 10+ years younger. and i'm just sort of in the middle trying to figure it all out.
But it's kind of a great place to be because i'm surrounded by bravery on all fronts. My sweet 8 year old nick, who because he is so young is trying everything for the first time and is kind of everyone, especially the kids who need a little extra lovin', and in kid world that's a big deal because you get made fun of for being friends with the kid who pees his pants or falls down a lot. He love completely and without hesitation and that is hard and brave and i love every last bit of him.
My high school girls who are fighting the body image, popularity, label war. Bless their hearts they are in the trenches, and trying to figure it all out. They fail a whole bunch, but they keep trying. They are about to go to college, they are about to leave all the comfort of 18 years of lovin' for something brand new. That will change them and challenge them. They'll do it with the regulars to help them.
They are about to become who they'll be. Rad, right? And i get to watch it for as long as God keeps me in it. It's a huge honor to be let in on their lives, to be given room to speak and listen and care. I do not take that lightly, and feel so incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to love these girls through their most formative and confusing years.
Then we have my 10+'s. My best girl is the bravest girl i know. I learn from her all the time. She pushes me and makes me crazy and does things that are born out of nothing but love and integrity. She does it all so selflessly. I don't think she really realizes how much i want to be like her when i "grow up." When i stop and think about all she's done, all shes does and has been through and how she always tries to do the right thing even when she has every right to be mad, and broken and bitter.
she doesn't. That is a big, big deal. also, That time she went to africa, though. She's blazes that trail for me and comes back to help me walk down mine. There will never be enough words of gratitude to express my love or thankfulness. It's funny to think that we are the same kind of different. That of all the people in this world, we've found each other.
The other women at my "table" who eat with me, let me into their lives, have stories that put mine to shame every time. The women who trust me with their kids, and their hearts and their stories.
Again. There are not enough words.
And tonight, as i'm driving home with the scent of summer on my skin, and heart so full of love and awe of how Jesus takes care of us, i was just hit by the importance of this season. I get poured into, i can then pour into my littles.
i'm not lost. I'm home. I'm not wandering, I'm following my heart. I'm not immature. i'm learning and becoming.
I'm not alone. I am deeply, and profoundly loved.
It's this beautiful, torch passing, water pouring, out door table, hand holding, heart tuggin' imagery that makes me weepy. It's where my puzzle pieces fits and my heart feels home. I'm surrounded by beautiful examples of bravery.
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