I'm going to be honest, because that's how everyone starts bloggs theses days, as if, frequently, people who write, lie.
Here is the truth. I'm not married, but i think i understand as much as i can as a single person, how difficult it is. I don't have a baby, but i think i understand as much as i can, how hard difficult raising kids is. So, While i appreciate the whole "these are hard" i keep reading, i know. And i would argue that they are supposed to be hard. Relationships take lots of work. and you should hug your kids a lot and tell them every day they can do anything they want.
Here's some more honesty. I don't know what i'm doing with my life. I don't even know what i'm good at. and i spend a lot time waiting for people to stop loving me because that's kind of been my routine. It's not sad. It's not something that is supposed to make you feel bad. I'm unemotional about the whole thing. It's just what it like to live in my head.
Once upon a time, I knew what i was doing and i was doing it like a boss. I supported myself (and at times other people) and then all suddenly and all at once i didn't recognize who was in the mirror. And now everything is helter skelter.
And i'm actually kind of ok with it, and everyone else is not. They are confused about all the potential i'm wasting and they just don't understand how at almost 30, i have nothing together. They seem to forget the 28 years prior when i knew my shit and was doing it like a boss.
So, i'm stuck in the in between which is honestly where i'll probably be forever. I thought my life would look different. I thought i would be different.
But, it's not. It is what it is, and I am making the best out of what comes my way. Consistently unsure of which direction to go in. Mostly leaping and hoping my parachute opens.
I am a crap shoot. i'm not freaking out about it, which is rare for this former control freak.
So, the honest truth is that i don't know. much of anything. but i'm doing what i can to figure it out.
No comments:
Post a Comment