I have big ideas of love, and life and family, and forever. Big, rosey colored, romantic ideas. and images collected in my memory scrapbook complied from movies, old photographs and the feelings nostalgia brings when she comes for a visit.
And sure, i used to be a little more sparkly. I used to have more "friends" and i was someones best friend. It felt nice to be claimed by a group of people. People who have seen me at my drunkest, stressed out, scared, and happy.
But nothing. Not one single thing compares to what i have now. The idea of how things are now, is not your average 30 year old dream, but then again neither am i.
Friends have become family. "best friends" are not a thing, really, but being "family" is. Having the best of times and the worst of times etched so vividly into my memory that i can still tell you exactly how things looked and felt and...even smelled. When your heart is full of things you can't forget, well, i'm pretty sure that's something to pay attention to.
Here, age doesn't matter, marital status, and amount of schooling, what you're wearing etc don't matter. This truly is a "come as you are" place. You just get to be loved, and love well, the most amazing group of people from the smallest baby to the best grandmas, and when you throw in some rando teens you know things are about to get real. But it works. It all works, and it's beautiful.
It's the kind of thing that catches my breath, and when i'm not looking for it slaps me in the face, and its then that i remember that i would not trade tired arms and good food and trashy tv...for all of the party invites in the world.
Because belonging somewhere is much better than trying to fit somewhere, and i'll take that over a million best friend necklaces.
I'll take outdoor chores when you're just trying to love each other the way you did before, and laughing and the honesty and the occasional Kardahsian style melt down over any amount of fake friends.
That's the real stuff. The hit you in the heart kind of love that everyone wants. so, yeah, it doesn't look very...typical, but i'm anything but typical. Trying to exist in a world that doesn't mean to break your heart, but does anyway, is hard, so you gotta have good people around you.
They type of people who borrow your clothes, and yell at you, and cry with you and hug you and make you so crazy that love is the only reason you have not killed them....or at the very least punched them in the throat.
it's summer, and i remember where we all were a year ago and how a lot has changed, for the better, and how things just keep getting better and the bottom hasn't dropped out...well, the only reason is Jesus. And knowing this kind of love is gut wrenching, but the super rad.
So here's to summer, what it will bring and how it will change us. i couldn't be more excited to be in the mess with this tribe of weirdos.
No comments:
Post a Comment