It is a story told by an idiot full of sound and fury, signifying nothing....

My personality is absolutely split in half.

I am independent, I stubborn and I am sassy. I like to debate and be right and have my shit together.

I do not like asking for help, or feeling vulnerable, or not knowing something.

I like to be good at things. I don't like feeling small.

I can fake confidence with the best of them. Most of the time you'll never know that i'm scared to death that i'll be replaced or that you'll stop loving me, or people will just leave and everyone will find out that i have no idea what i'm doing.

Mosy days, i hate my body and look in the mirror hoping to see something different i did the day before.  I stand there, confused about why people love me, and i begin to second guess whether or not it's even real.

And i don't know where that comes from and that is the most frustrating part. i don't know who told me i wasn't good enough.

There are days when i just need to lay my head in someones lap and cry or when i just need someone to see how hard i'm trying and just say.....i see you.

i feel invisible sometimes, and i just want someone to see.

Instead i get in my car, and i drive and i scroll through my phone and realize, i don't have a "friend you call when you just can't"

So i drive, and i turn the radio up real loud and i make turns randomly as i try to figure out when broke in my and when.

A work in progress is my life story. Thank goodness Jesus loves me, its just sometime the lies are louder than anything else.

i'm trying to hear the truth...but everything real rocky and i'm afraid i'll ruin just about everything i care about.

So theres that. Here's the other thing, I really, really, do think the world is a beautiful place and i think that people are good and try hard. I'm not a debbie downer about the world, it's just sometimes i feel real alone. and i am not wired to be alone unless i wanna be.