Sunshine always makes me believe in possibilities, though, I think it has more to do with my mood being way too dependent on the weather than anything...but....whatever.
It Memorial Day Weekend...which means I will proceed to give none of the effs for the next four days. However, i need to find me some free fun because I also have none dollars....so that's fun.
My plan? Well, i'm not sure exactly, but i do know that i plan on re-grouping.
side note: i totally need to talk about the people sitting next to me. They are uncomfortably close to me and using lots of gestures that may or may not end up hitting me. So....i'm flinching a lot....and i probably look crazy....also...they are yelling...well, not really, they are talking real loud though...and there is a woman sitting AT my table....i do not know her...but she is getting a little feisty about the table use ratio....i was here first. I am trying so hard to not just burst out laughing...my filter is in over drive right now....praise G it's actually it's working today.
also...hipsters everywhere. hipster professors, hipster grandmas, hipster middle aged married couples. .and then there is me. I'm not wearing pants and Jessica's college sweatshirt...i love people. I just think they are so weird.
Anyway, i regrouping? Yes, it needs to happen. What does that even mean? Well, i think it kind of means that i need to fall in love with a bunch of things again. I need to mend some fences and i need to take some time and just flipping breathe. And by breathing, i mean...like actually inhale exhale...but also...just calming down long enough to enjoy the time i have and not worry about upcoming plans.
there is more than enough time.
So...i'm going to read, and fall in love with words again, and remember what it's like to be moved by words and ideas. I want something to get under my skin and stick with me and be what i think about in my down time.....and i'm going to try to write.. who really knows.
I also really need to be passionate about something again because i haven't felt that heart beat in a long time. I need it to be what drives me. I want to feel a call super strong and i want to respond to it, but i need God to show up and mess me up. I need to feel the spirit moving again because i haven't felt that in so long.
So, really, right now, i find myself sitting in a space that is far too normal and comfortable and as much as i hate it, it's kinda familiar.....i need to be pushed out of it. I want to be mobilized...because apparently i'm an army.....sometimes my words come out of no where. so...apologies....
And, i realize that this will not happen over the weekend, but i feel like this could be a good spring board....again....spring board? who am i? whatever.
Here's to a good weekend. not spending money, getting paid next week so i can fix my car (again) and figuring it all the eff out. I just want to sit in the sun and read in the sun and drink lemonade. with rosewater in it.....and maybe some vodka....but maybe not.
the possibilities are endless, especially in the sunshine.
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