i'm at the Cabin. In Wisconsin. In the Fall. On the kind of Saturday that's rainy and cold and you can sit by the window and drink good tea and think good thoughts.

and Rita is playing the best music. and I slept in a loft.

We just made some intense Julia Child recipe. I feel more than accomplished. I also cut my first squash tonight. So...that happened  Sitting around the table for hours playing cards, and eating really great food that we made together, and setting the table to infuse just a little more fancy. It was beautiful and Rita and I kept talking about we could really be a chapter in Shauna's book. We poured more wine and moved on to the next conversation topic.

We stayed up late talking about life, and we laughed, and we cried, and i danced in the kitchen to Adele and the Civil Wars because Rita played all my faves and her hugs seemed a little tighter this weekend, like she knew I needed an extra squeeze.

and then Sunday happened. We had a birthday brunch with raspberries and mimosas and french toast and all the best things. We talked about all the things we were thankful for, and what we hoped would happen in the coming year and we toasted a really incredible lady on her 67th birthday. We said prayers and listened to worship music and it was our own kind of cabin church.

 Then, Fall was lookin' all fancy,  sky was blue, the trees were on fire with color and i sat in the middle of the lake in a canoe loving every breath i was taking. We rowed around singing some boating songs, and feeling the sun hit our faces and backs in all the right places.

We were literally the only ones on the lake. It was magic and beautiful. When we washed up on shore, i laid on the dock with Abby and i stuck my feet in the water even though it was cold.

And then they let me make salsa from start to finish and kept me company while i chopped and i just felt really, really loved.

In that same moment, we talked about real stuff, the things we're scared of, what we're worried about, how I can feel incredibly loved, and feel so much gratitude but still feel kind of alone. How we're all kind of sad about things but trying to spin the positive as best we can.

and sometimes onions and emotions make me cry, and everyone is patient and beautiful.

i worry too much, i make things too complicated, and i put too much pressure on the world, but i'm 100%  sure that there are a handful of people in my life that I can trust to love me when i'm the most scared about the future, and i'm just really thankful for that.

And fall? She's really bringing her A-Game and I could not be happier about it. I was kind of kidding when I said this Fall would be the best one yet, and that it would wreck me in the best way....but i'm kind of starting to believe it.