Dancing like we're made of starlight.....

I like complaining. Mostly, i like complaining about things that aren't really all that important, however, i wouldn't necessarily classify myself as a negative person. Although, I'm not really sure what other people say about me, so I could have a completely false idea of myself.

I'm well aware that complaining can get old. and annoying and it'll probably make you want to punch me a couple hundred times. so I'm trying to do things a little differently. Mostly because sometimes God puts people in my life that ask questions like: "what are you doing this?" or "how do you think Jesus feels about how do you that"

ok. well. shit.

And they are right. I don't like to have mirrors, but i need 'em. So, thus begins my "joyful heart experiment." Originally i was like...oh, well, I'll just do everything with a smile...then everyone will think everything is great.

Unfortunately, you can read me like a book and just a smile wasn't foolin' anyone. I knew it, and everyone else did too. So I'm trying to spin the way I look at circumstances. I try to feel good about the fact that people have enough trust and confidence in me to let me lead things...or trust me enough to make sure their houses don't burn down, and their animals and kids stay alive.

all of that is actually a super big deal and incredible responsibility. So...hold the phone...attitude adjustment. Instead of complaining, i need to feel...thankful, blessed,....whatever that i get to take care of people's most important things, or a community of people, or a tiny baby church trying to make it....not that i have anything to do with the success or failure of any of it...but, you know what imean....right? I don't think i'm super important but i know i have a role to play.

trying to see fewer things as a burden and more of a blessing and seeing obligations as opportunities....ok, i know that was lame and cliche but it's true...

Rita says a lot "you may be the only bible some people ever read" so if i have a bad attitude....that translates bad for Jesus. Slash...Lisa keeps telling me what i do here and now matters...and i don't understand what the means about heaven...if Jesus is going to have a real long talk with me? or if i'm going to have to do a lot of  fixing when i die....but i do know that i WANT what i do here to matter but in good way.  I dont' want a divine scolding....and i'm kidding about that...but i am serious about doing good and doing it for the right reasons.

Jesus doesn't have a bad attitude and so i don't want people to think that Christians complain, or have a bad attitude.

So, I'm trying to adjust. but i still really love complaining, and sometimes i want to punch people.

yeah, so, maybe i need to keep praying about it.

I'll tell you what though, the more i try to do things with a joyful heart, the happier my heart is, so it's worth the work.

i also just want everyone to know, I'm on day....4 of this situation...I'm sure there's much more to come....