Same kind of different....

Today i was going to write and "open letter" to all my homies who decide that they need to write "open letters" on how hard...motherhood, marriage, single-hood, their job, LIVES etc are.

Dear gracious, I do love people and i wholeheartedly believe in solidarity, however, I've decided that i hate open letters and i'll tell you why:

They are about creating a divide, not bridging a gap. They are about telling people how hard you have it, even though you "know" everyone else has it just as hard. It's trying to be like Jen Hatmaker and in turn, you're somehow turn it into...my life is SO hard. i had NO idea...when the honest truth of the matter is, YOU STILL HAVE NO IDEA.

You have no idea what lies a head. Tomorrow you could wake up and your kid could be sick, your spouse could leave you, cheat on you, develop an addiction, your friends could leave you, you could discover you have no idea who you are, you could get fired, someone could die...

it can change in the blink of an eye, so while you're like....omg. my life is so chaotic i can barely form a sentence....you have managed to write...many, many, many sentences when you could have instead been showering, brushing your teeth, napping etc.

You've instead chosen write an open letter to the world so everyone can know just how bad things are FOR YOU. it's not a unifying thing at all. It's ends up being as self-severing as the looks of judgement and thoughts you've passed on prior to your new life.

except this time, it comes in the form of empty words and an "i'm sorry" or an "i'm just saying" that still manages to backhand it's way into a translation of  "i still know more than you" or "it's harder for me"

just. stop. it.

please.

I fully admit i don't know what it's like to be married, or rear children, but i also know that it's super hard work, and not for the faint of heart. I literally have no idea how i keep myself alive somedays, much less how i could ever take care of, nurture, teach, another living, breathing thing anything. Or how i can lose myself to become half of a team. NO IDEA.

but i know it's hard. i know it take work. i know your head and heart have to be all in. So, when my day comes to tell you of married life, or mommy life. I will start out by thanking the beautiful people who have done it before. Whom i'm watched struggle and navigate and stress out about everything that i'm about to lose my shit over.

I will ask them for advice. I will thank them even if at times it's begrudgingly because i know that the only way to play this life game well, is to do it together. I need people to help when i'm being dumb and tell me what worked and what didn't....

i need some hand holders and some baby holders and some 3am phone calls to make this life even remotely manageable....even as a single. white. female.  I've somehow managed to assemble a team of true gems that are simultaneously hard on me and gentle with me.

So in conclusion, dear letter writers, I'm over you. Though i am thankful that you realize that shit gets real, and it gets real hard, i do not need to read about how much harder you think it is for you.

i just don't. and that might make me an asshole, but i'll take it up with Jesus, later.