like i'm useful. i put a ton of pressure on myself. I am surrounded by people whose bars are super high, but somehow mine is always higher. I lose my shit. i feel stressed out and like the mountain of work is not getting smaller, and then somehow it gets done and i feel relief for 39 seconds and promptly begin to worry about how well i actually did.
i shoot high and fall short almost always. All of this sounds...very...the opposite of the best. but it's been good for me. I thrive on pressure my best words and ideas come when i'm under the gun.
I've been lacking affirmation lately and i'm trying to change that. (read: i'm trying NOT to need other's people's words) but i'm not sure if you can just change a love language.
today, though, i had a some coffee talks with some people. one in particular said things to me that i thought i needed to hear of such a long time. Turns out, i didn't need to hear them.
Sometimes i get really worried about words running out of meaning, or that people are just saying things to...appease me. you know? like they're saying it because they think i need to hear it...and then it's just empty, and because i love words and i want them the be bursting with emotion and meaning...
Also, today i decided that i'm going to read every book in lisa's basket in the living room. it's literally gonna make me want to die. it's a lot of leadership books, which means they're gonna be really dry...and i'll have to read them like i drink crappy booze...real fast to get it over with.
maybe they'll make me a better person. or maybe not...My first one is "the well-balanced world changer" it's soft covered and it appears to have short chapters...which is just what i'm about.
i'll let you know how it goes.
Additionally. i lack all inspiration. a little bit would be great.
also. i love Easter. it makes me weepy.
No comments:
Post a Comment