I guess i just have to trust, on the days i'm crawling, this is my calling....

I get confused when i try to protect my heart because my heart say one thing and my brain says another. 

i'm been butting heads a lot with the one person i don't ever want to butt heads with, and i don't know why that's happening, but i could venture a guess. 

I also get confused about when to speak into peoples lives and when to not....which again i'm sure is some sort of glaring boundary issue.

I also continue to think that we all will love each other with the same intensity when that could be more wrong.

Sometimes i feel like i'm standing on the edge of change again and  i fight it because i dont have the energy to pull myself up my the boot straps again. 

I feel like a big old reject as of late. 

i don't know what happened and why people don't love me like they used to and why i haven't won some people over. 

I start wondering what's wrong with me and if i'm doing something wrong and it makes me head hurt. 

I've also realize again how hard it is for me to forgive, and I'm still struggling to see God in lots of spaces. 

On top of that, apparently, i owe the government money which i did not know about, so that's real uncool. 

I left on friday for a camp retreat really excited for all that was going to unfold. I came back trying to figure out what's wrong with me. 

But, my senior girls, they're amazing and i my heart is so full of love for them i could burst. 

I've cried a lot today. 

Today the world kind of succeeded in making me feel real small and insignificant. 

one is the loneliest number, indeed. 

I cried a lot today, which is always cleansing and annoying. And i called my mom. It's days like these when you need your best friend and your mom. 

I'm 0 for 2.. 

Today, i feel small. Tomorrow, i'll figure out how to sort my thoughts out, how to say what i need to say and i'll be fully prepared to move mountains. 

But today, my heart hurts. 

And i'm just being honest.