Tell me all your thoughts on God.

There are things in my life that, when I don't fight them, or when I don't think I know everything, make a lot of  sense.

Moving to St. Paul, for example, just made sense. To everyone else that's not me, or God, it probably didn't. In fact, i'm pretty sure my whole family thought I have flipped my lid. But there was the feeling in the pit of my stomach that i couldn't shake until i told everyone that i was moving. Then after i was like "hey, no big, i'm just gonna move my whole life to this place where i know 2 people", came this weird peace.

Living with my best friend just made sense. Being involved in things/and a church that try to better the world, just made sense. Getting to know people who seem to keep popping up in my life. Made sense. Wearing a lot of cardigans and liking coffee, just make sense to me. Most importantly, though:

Jesus has always just made sense to me.

Sure, I've had my days of "where are you?" and "this really seems a little crazy" but when shit gets real, the first thing i do is turn to God. Without a second thought. It's a part of my life that i never used to share with people, but it's always been there. This invisible support beam on which I laid/lay everything.

I've decided that I'm pretty sure that's how it's supposed to be. When things just make sense, it's God, just doin' his thing. Sure, it's sometimes scary, and sure sometimes I really don't see any logic behind it, but in the back of my head I know it's what I'm supposed to do. Sometimes, I fight it, then I get all confused and lost and I cry.....because let's face it, I cry a lot. Then i get all "God, tell me what to do!" and he's like "I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO. YOU CRAZY" (but in a loving Jesus-like way) I feel like sometimes when God is trying to deal with me, he uses a lot of hand guestures, and I am almost postive he would like to shake me.

So, what does any of this mean? Well, i'm not sure, exactly. Only that i've been thinking a lot about how i got to this moment in my life, and I can pinpoint specific people and events in my life that are a. increidbly importnat and b. i can remember the feeling of "Duh, Nicole"

And when I follow those feelings everything works out. It's not always the smoothest ride, in fact, a lot of times, i feel like I'm on the Crazy Train Express, but there is this feeling of peace even in the midst of all the uncertainty that reminds me of what I am made to do.

And there are times, when I think I got everything under control that God uses the most unlikely peopel to tell me things i would never listen to otherwise.

Prophetic visions, what? :)

Then I listen, and I pray. I am so thankful that God loves me so much that he actively pursues my heart even when I get to be a little diva and am like "Don't even worry, I got this" when i clearly don't.  That he uses people to tell me the truth and remind me of His truth, even when I don't want to listen. I am thankful for Grace that abounds. This kind of love is kinda crazy, kind of overwhelming, but makes EVERYTHING I do worth it.

So, when people see me....do they see Jesus? Well, probably not all the time, but it's something that i aspire to.  My faith/relationship with God is no longer something that is just mine. It's not something that i keep a secret for fear of offending people, becuase i dont' think there is anything offensive about Love, Grace, Mercy and Justice.  There is nothing offensive about Jesus. There is nothing weak about having a Strong Faith. There is nothing silly about doing what I an called to do.

And that just makes sense.