Summer is over....

i've been trying to write something here for days. I open a document and i have nothing. Nothing that is pushing me to say what needs to be said.

Which, i guess, is a good thing. There is nothing really overwhelming my thoughts. I'm happy. 

And that's true, for the most part. 

As summer comes to a celebrated and much anticipated close, i feel it only fitting to send Summer off with an open letter. 

Dear Old Friend, 

As faithfully has the morning, you arrived with your sweet taste of freedom and promise of sweet simplicity. Your arrival usually means being sunkissed and sweaty with wild hair, and no makeup, backyards and cookouts and swimming pools and laughter. lots of laughter. 

 Last summer is  dreamy, hazey, Polaroid nostalgia. When i remember last year's visit, it was  sweet, lovely and beautiful. Maybe not having any money and loving people the way your were wired to, is really all you need to have a lovely imprint on your heart of what could be.  It is a summer that i will look on with nothing but love. It was not without it's troubles, but the laughter and love out weight the rough patches. 

I looked to this summer to be similar. With all the same feelings of sweetness and simplicity. This summer was a lesson is not being able to do it all. This summer was a lesson is trying to juggle some plates and keeping them off the ground but not catching them like they deserved to be caught. 

I thought i could do my job, and do it super well, and hangout with children all summer and do that super well. Turns out, i did it all okay. 

I didn't plan what my summer weeks would look like. I did not appropriately plan fun things, i did not full engage with them, and they were all just being how 3rd graders are and i couldn't deal. They complain, they would rather be playing video games, they would fight, they would act like going outside was a punishment. 

and when those days came, i just wanted your departure to be the very next day. So...i began to count the days until school started, and i got crabby when the children were less that the little angles i had expected them to be. 

when you're constantly refereeing arguments and making sure no one is left out and making sure they go outside and are fed and what not....work gets pushed aside....after all....i can always do it later.  

and when i couldn't do it later or couldn't focus, i got crabby. So i spent a lot of time feeling like i needed a break but knew it wouldn't come until the school year. 

That's not to say that i did not have a great time this summer, because i did. i really, really did. it was different than last summer, but still so wonderful. 

I just learned that i can't do it all. 

So, now sleepy sunsets of august will soon turn to the bright, crisp mornings of all, and the leaves will change and i will fall in love with everything again as is what happens when autumn comes of visit. 

So, my dear summer, thank you for all you've given me. The tan lines, the messy hair, and the beautiful memories with even more beautiful people.