In which i also copy people because i think it's funny....

My words fall out

before i can gather them up 

and shove them back in 

they've scattered into 3904 different 

patterns, and the rise and fall of my voice

tells you i'm scared.

so i stand, with my heart 

exposed

pumping blood as if 

one more word will make it stop

or blood will squirt everywhere 

Waiting for "you" to just 

give up.

because who can deal with the 

constant flow of words

half of which aren't even nice

how can the way i hear me

be so very different than 

how the words sounds echoing off 

everyone else hearts?

I don't like apologizing

for not know how to 

arrange my thoughts 

into perfect rows of 

sense 

set on selves 

housing every 

thought that i kept in

a library full of words 

unspoken

no, i speak them

they are shattered 

on the floor

they are spattered 

on the wall 

they are the grass stains 

on my jeans

because i am wild at heart

and in thought 

and deed

i love and live with reckless abandon 

and when i learn that it's ....unattractive 

or it makes people 

not like me

i gather my words and try to 

corral them

so my heart beats and my head thinks

too much

as the more i try to quite 

the noise 

the more it pushes on the teeth 

to let them out

and then the flood gates open

and i'ts full of i'm sorries 

and please don't do anything differently 

i'll fix it.

when really all i want 

is for you to hug me

and tell me that you love me.

but even those words seem hallow

and i don't know why

and i'll gather my pages of

insecurities  off the floor 

i'll sweep the scraps under the rug

i'll put them away for another time

when i'm sure what to say

or how to say it

but please know, 

i'm doing the very best i can.